The Farmer and his Wife
One day a farmer was sitting around with one of his buddies, when he came up with the problem that he couldnt get his cows to mate. The other farmer said well what you have to do is stick your arm up the female cow and smear it all over the male's face.
Believing what his buddy said he tried out this method and within days his cows were having sex. He wondered if this would work on him and his wife, so one night he managed to put his arm into his wifes ''special area'' and he wiped it all over his face. He started yelling, ''Honey! Honey! Get up, you have to see this!'' When she woke up and looked at him she said, ''What -- you woke me up to tell me your nose was bleeding?''