After

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street , the seasoned veterans

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Robinson was notorious for finding the little loopholes that won him acquittals even in the most difficult

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy,

Tarzan was walking through the jungle one day and got into a fight with a lion.The lion rips off one

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts."Say, what's your

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.When she is 28, she is a hockey ball -

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.After the wedding, he laid down the following

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

The bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cahier after learning the combination to the safe and had

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.Four worms were placed

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

One day, siew pau and maggi mee had a big fight. Maggi mee beat siew pau up until it had bruises on its

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!"

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived

Two astronauts, a man and a women, were on a mission to go to Mars and make contact with intelligent

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example

A sixteen year old girl went to a priest for confession."Father, I called a guy son of a bitch yesterday.""Why

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed anew head Samurai so he sent

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

There were four country churches in a small Texas

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

A Blonde goes to a barber and asks for a haircut.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

What did the leper say to the prostitute after

1. There''s no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special"

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A guyââ,¬â"¢s been dating the girl of his

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

A guy goes to his doctor because heââ,¬â"¢s

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.

Yo mama so fat, after sex she smokes a turkey.

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail

Yo mama is so fat, after your parents have sex,

Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school

A grey goose walks into a bar and says" I'd like

Q:Whatââ,¬â"¢s funnier than kicking a zombie

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse

A man dies and goes to Heaven. When he arrives

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He

A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos. The

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

A British doctor, a German doctor and an American

Understanding Marketing You see a fabulous girl/guy

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a

A blonde was working on a puzzle. After ten hard

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

Three men were in a sauna. An Italian, a German,

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a

What did the blonde say after college? "Will that

There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

Two nuns from France were coming to New York.

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

There were two bums walkin down a road. They both

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses,

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the

Why did the chicken cross the road? ââ,¬Â¢

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

10. Splash on a little goat's blood. 9. Play romantic

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

There was a competition to cross the English channel

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting

A boy walks into his parents room to find his mom

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

One day Saddam Hussein was walking in the desert

There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about

The American Dairy Association was so successful

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI,

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

Gwen met Randy at a nightclub. They hit it off,

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

A kid came home from school and asked his dad,

A man went to a cafe and ordered some soup. Half

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

A guy came home one day after getting fired from

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A young mother was having a consultation with a

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

According to a news report, a certain private school

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

The England team's training session was delayed

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

What did Osama name his last daughter? Camela

Harry Potter and the Throbbing Muscle of Love Harry

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people

Do you know how we can get Osama bin Laden? Lace

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

Question - What is the difference between a liberal

What's the difference between a wife and a job?

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "The

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so

"It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

Way back in '97 I wondered why those bands like

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish

Once a Sardarji (a caste man in India ) goes to

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

A member of the United States Senate, known for

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

10. See me after class. 9. Did you even read the

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

Yo mama's so fat, after sex she smokes ham.

A man walks up to the whitehouse and shouts to

One day two kids were wandering around near a stream.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

Juan Valdez names his mule after you. You chew

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

SEX CONTRACT I, _______________________, hereby

The way this game works is every time the word

The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

OBJECTIVE To disengage said bra without looking

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night.

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one

Three couples went in to see the minister about

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

There once was this guy who was going on a date

There was an old professor who started every class

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

There were these three bees trapped in a hive.

1) The president is not in his/her office at this

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a

What did the man say to the toothpaste model after

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

A man had a habit of buying things immediately

Q: How does a blonde turn on the air conditioner

Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were

What does Brooke Gordon do when she gets done shaving

10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom,

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick,

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because

You know you're ghetto, if you name your kids after

What's worse than waking up in the morning after

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

What is black and charred and sits at the top of

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent

One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

A young priest is unhappy with how little money

Q: What do porcupines say after they kiss? A:

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

This guy hears that there's good bear hunting up

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

Q: Why don't they let Minnesota women go out with

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying,

A man is away on business, at a convention for

There was a woman who had very small breasts and

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit

A young man gets sent to jail, and gets put into

A man with an average handicap decides to play

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

One day, a man went into the doctor because he

How does a blonde turn the light on after having

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting.

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

What do blondes say after sex? ''Are you boys

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

One day there was a woman who was about to have

There was an older man who'd married a younger

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping

A woman goes to a doctor, and says, "Doctor I want

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosugeon's

12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely,

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first

A man walks into a barber shop with his daughter.

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

Once there was a blonde who really needed some

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

After much careful research, it has been discovered

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening

There was a long line of souls before the gate

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the

An old man went to the social security office to

A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

In a restaurant, a disgusted customer says: Waiter!

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to

The European Union commissioners have announced

What time is it when 20 dogs and one cat get together?

A man went to the doctor to get a physical. After

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

One day a preacher goes to visit an elderly lady.

After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home

An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie

Q: What's black and sits on the roof? A: A paraplegic

One day while at the White House, the maid was

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

The Chief Executive of an HMO died and was very

After World War II, an American soldier was going

There were these two bums and they were hungry

There was a competition between a team of blondes

A man gets on a bus with only a nun and the driver.

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

The preacher was very distraught after the death

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run

A real tough guy dies and goes to hell, well he

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

Three guys go to a hotel. They tell the man behind

Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many

A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "Piano

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Two residents at a nursing home became good friends.

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders

There was a contruction worker who was working

A man had a very small penis, so he went to a witch

Three girls are sitting around, totally bored

A lady walks into a bar and says,'' Barkeep, gimme

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh,

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study

A woman had been married so many times she was

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

A southern girl returned home after a summer with

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

What does a blonde do after she finishes sucking

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

(which in our society means over 25) An older

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine

The only difference between your mama and a washing

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

After an overnight flight to meet my father at

Ole was on his death bed. But before he died,

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A couple went to church every week, but every

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig.

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's

A man went to apply for a job. After filling

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it

In a small town in California there lived two boys,

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for

Q: What does a redneck say to his friend after

This mafia family was in need of a collection

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat

1) All of your friends have @ in their names

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

There were three guys who where rowing a canoe

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day,

Two aliens land on the earth, near L.A. They get

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.

There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to

Q: How are toilets different from women? A:

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right

There once was a very distraught woman, who was

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were walking through

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

Three days finish up a hard day of work and walk

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

This old guy goes into a church in a small town

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the

You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

After a really good party a man walks into a bar

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

Q: What did the blonde do after she brushed her

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican

There was a man who had a 25 inch penis, so he

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's shop: Drop your trousers

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

Your mama's so fat, after sex she smoked a turkey!

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother

Q: What does an egg say after it's put in a bowl

The teacher was checking her student roster on

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

One day a medical professor and his class were

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

Your mama is so fat, after she and your daddy got

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

(repeat ketchup and liquor after every phrase)

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick!

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

What will Bill Clinton always be remembered for

A typical macho man married typical good-looking

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his

A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

If your wife is shouting at the front door and

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders spaghetti.

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend?

One day there were two boys playing by a stream

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

A masked man walks in to a sperm bank, pulls a

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

Zeus and Thor are up on Mt. Olympus and Thor is

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

This Koala bear hires a hooker on the streets of

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

A nun was telling some other nuns about how she

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit

What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

One man says, ''You mean they are still together

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

Two guys are in mental instituition. One guy

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

Jimmy White walks into a bar and orders a beer,

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department,

Once a man saw a board outside his friend's office

Two old people hit it off at a singles bar. After

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street

Every day two blonde women would come out of work

Your mama cooks so bad, your family prays after

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

There are two blondes playing golf. One tees off

The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after

A fat dude goes to his doctors, because he needed

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

A lady is in a confession booth. She says to the

A man and his monkey walk into a bar. The man walks

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

Did you hear that former American Olympian Picabo

What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after

A farmer walked into a bar with a horse. He said,

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

Why was the Blonde's brain the size of a pea after

A young fellow walks into a bar. An old crotchety

A couple has been together for thirty years and

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island

What is worse than waking up the morning after

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

What does an Irishman get after eating Italian

One day, shortly after having her ninth baby, the

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

What do you call the sweat on your balls after

A Hillbilly family's only son had saved up money

It was this little girl's first day of school and

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

You're so ugly that when you were born the doctor

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

Once upon a time there was a family of tomatoes

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she

There once was this blonde riding a horse. After

There is this trucker and he is driving down the

Q: What did the blond customer say after reading

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

What comes after 69? Mouthwash.

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

Q: What's the difference between your wife and

3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

One day two girls were trying out for the school

Your mama so nasty, that after we had phone sex

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

A businessman was about to go on a long business

Two couples go away on a two-week holiday together.

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at

A guy goes out one day, hunting for bear. After

What did the bird say after his cage broke? "Cheap,

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have

What animal rotates at least 200 times after it

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

After the church service, a little boy told the

Q: What will history remember Bill Clinton as? A:

Monica Lewinsky and her new boyfriend are making

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

You might be a redneck if anyone in your family

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

An old man and woman were married for years, even

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

These two guys meet after not having seen each

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

   As you grow older, what lost

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

    For the first time in many years,

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

After several years of serving the church in a

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

A women desperately looking for work goes into

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

    A few months ago, there was

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

A southern minister was completing a temperance

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Two young guys were picked up

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

    A young reporter once covered

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's

    The curator of a Western art

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

    A fireman came from work one

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

This guy is not getting along so well with his

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

    William and Mildred were married

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime

    Psychologists have discovered

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

    A young man just got a new job

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

    One day, a mechanic was working

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst

    Three ducks were swimming in

    A herd of buffalo can only move

Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

A man and a woman who have never met before find

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

    The Penis requests a promotion

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

    Every night after dinner, Merle

Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

There has been a recent discovery among archives

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

A businessman returns from the far east. After

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking

1. In the company of females, intercourse

    The following information was

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

Run one lap around the office at top speed

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

    For all you guys out there who

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

Three couples went in to see the minister to see

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

Our Rights: The following was written by State

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

In 1993, the American Government funded a study

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

God created the mule, and told him, "You

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength.

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

The George W Bush Presidential Lie-berry is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

1. Teaching Math In 1950s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice

Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker

Do you know someone like this? A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle of wine. The husband turns to his

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, the dentist says, "That

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City Christmas Shopper Seniors down a highway, when

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!" "Good

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that

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King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

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TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch

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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,

When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for

One day god is in a really good mood and looks down from the heavens and sees a statue of a man and

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may

Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"... 1. "I'm gonna pump

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

Police in Turkey have arrested a 30-year-old shop assistant After he was found lying naked with a

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided

Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday mor ning service, and she's in tears. He says,

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica,

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She says, "You've got

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

A frightened man dialed 911 to report! an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be Able to get to the top of that tree," sighed

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

Shortly thereafter Jesse Jackson went to a Sears and started raising all kinds of hell in the appliance

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

Green Bay, WI Monday, October 31, 2005 - Anthrax Scare At Lambeau Field Green Bay Packer football

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess "Will you marry me?" She said "No." ...And the

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

Well after all the witch hunts over the years by the French trying to prove he was using illegal substances.....they

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic,

Mrs. Shapiro, the Matchmaker, goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Cohen,

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter..... "One afternoon

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. "After you put poison in the

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon,

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker.

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms. Four worms were

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure

Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

A man walked into a bar near Lexington, KY and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised,

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

My wife of 14 years is convinced she has Mad Cow disease... ... After all, she had a fast food taco

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

This is why God invented menopause....... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

Ahmed came to the United States from Iraq, and was here only a few months when he became very ill.

This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor. "Doctor I think I

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and

Today is my daughters 18th birthday......I'm so glad that this I my last....damn child support payment.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

two Old Ladies Were Outside Their Nursing Home, Having A Smoke, When It Started To Rain. One Of The

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

A vet gets a midnight phone call from a farmer. "I`ve got a very constipated cow - been like it for

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all,

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

God and Adam are talking in the Garden of Eden one day and God asks "How are you doing?" Adam replies

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers

A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both." After

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

A young couple had been married for a couple of months, but the man was always after his wife to quit

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So,

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "I would rather have a

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-coloured

A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front.

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five

A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

This farmer had an old rooster and he thought it might be time to get a new young rooster to service

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour. 'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist. 'Why of course!' 'Good.

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

There was a girl who went to sunday school and always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked and pointed

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

A blonde, brunette, and a red head were all in a race swimming breastroke accross the english

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister. "Definitely

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front.

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy.

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

Three guys go on a skiing holiday together and to save money they rented only one room. After a full

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

A drill sergeant was known to be brusque with his men. His lieutenant warned him to try to be more

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!"

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

Father O''Grady was standing at the door after Sunday Mass, when Mary Clancy came up to him, tears

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

The pastor of donkey church realised that he was going to starve as collection dwindled every Sunday.

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk,

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist,

A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off;

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, An autopsy professor was giving an introductory

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting