Control

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger"Wife: "I'll clean

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Did you here about the cross-eyed teacher? She

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize

3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor

During his campaign, George W. Bush and his advisors

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he

Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth

Why don't blondes take birth control pills?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth

1. You never run out of wheat 2. Those cool Saskatchewan

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of

Have you heard about the new mint flavored birth

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?A: Their personalities.

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

   As you grow older, what lost

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to

    What to not say to the nice

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

    One morning, while she was making

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't

A TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL CONVERSATION: Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

Try this... On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

A company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, "Someone might steal from

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

This is important information just in case. Symptoms of the Bird Flu... The Center for Disease

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 2.

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf*ck you. 2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 3. Well,

You are different and that's bad. Pop goes the hamster......and other great microwave games. What

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

Suddenly there was a mad uncontrolable burst of laughter and the team captain asked John if that was

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over