Everyone

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

The other day, my friends and I went to a "Ladies Night Club."One of the girls wanted to impress the

First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

A blonde sat at the bar when the bartender's son

The Principal of an elementary school went into

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

A man dies and goes to Heaven. When he arrives

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

What does J.Lo and a doorknobs have in common? Everyone

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

MONDAY 8:00 - "Husseinfeld" 8:30 - "Mad About Everything" 9:00

A secretary goes into her boss' office and asks,

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

Gary Condit was on a sinking ship and everyone

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

Did you hear what Lizzie Grubman did Friday night? Crashed

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Tony Blair Interviewed by Peter Jennings Peter

Bush happens Life is like a box of chocolates.

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

1. Two World Wars and one World Cup 2. Proper

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

All good Southerners already know these, but in

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

One day in class, the teacher told everyone to

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack.

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

Q: What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?

A market researcher called at a house and his knock

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone

Yo mama's house is so small, I threw a rock in

10) Who the hell Begets anymore? 9) Memo to Adam:

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

Why are drummers like laxatives? Because they

Yo mama is just like a campfire -- everyone gets

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

Three vampires walked into a bar. The first one

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

An American businessman is on a business trip

Yo mama is so fat, she wore a red dress and everyone

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and

What's the difference between a blonde and the

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton,

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

You're just like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn.

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar

Yo mama is so fat that when she took a vacation

1. When the elevator doors close, exclaim loudly

What do blondes and doorknobs have in common?

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

Did you hear about the midget that went to a

Did you hear that everyone in Minneapolis quit

Women claim that computers should be referred to

Yo mama is like the Internet -- everyone can explore

Yo Mama is like a drug; everyone does her, but

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

Two guys are in mental instituition. One guy

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

The privacy partition in the confessional booth

Yo' mama is so stupid she told everyone that she

Why does a red light turn red? If you had to

Yo' Mama is so fat, that when she walked into the

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

Hey, I heard there's a party in your mouth and

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume

Yo mama is so fat that when she asked, “Why

Yo mama's like a door handle, everyone gets a turn!

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

An old man from a far off land was once on the

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

Re: DNA Test Results:   Clinton, William Jefferson Dear

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2)

    Four old Catholic women are

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

-It is always possible to park directly outside

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers.Ã, 

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the

Run one lap around the office at top speed

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Our Rights: The following was written by State

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes,

A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all living creatures on Earth to die. To sort things

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

A friend of mine has a big Labrador retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

1. What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT's? Drool. 2. What do you get when you put 32

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass. Impotence...Nature's way of saying

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!! B... WINDOWS Woman:

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. Never take life seriously.

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

SUNDAY: 0800 - My 33 Sons 0830 - Osama Knows Best 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed 0930 - Let's

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden death. "We will all die

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown paper

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

A drill sergeant was known to be brusque with his men. His lieutenant warned him to try to be more

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist, so everyone will

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

A man is in a bar and he gets really drunk and he goes home. He comes back the next day to get his

At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of