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An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

In a company there's this tai-chi king. His tai-chi has reached the level where even the boss could do

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw,

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street , the seasoned veterans

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Gimme a triple!"So the bartender pours him up a triple

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.2nd Child: Why are you

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.In the second year, the woman speaks

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

3 Men are walking through the jungle when they are captured by native tribesman. The tribesman take the

mom: "wake up son, it's time for you to go to school."son: "but mom, i don't wanna go to school."mom:

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.Four worms were placed

First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said,

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gate, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel,

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.As the couple reflected on

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

James was starting he's first day of job as a policeman. So as he was patrolling. He saw there's one

A guy was talking with his friend in a bar and told him, "My sex life sucks, just when things start to

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

Two atoms are walking down the road and one exclaims,

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

There were three priests in a railroad station,

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row

Two lawyers are leaving the office. ââ,¬Å"I

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide

One morning, a blonde decides to do a jig-saw puzzle

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?",

Three men are on a plane. The first one throws

There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American,

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

There were three astronauts an American, a Russian,

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years. Just

An Amish woman and her son are walking through

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

A seismologist, a meteorologist, and a fireman

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

My First Time The sky was dark, The moon was high, All

Two hedgehogs are in the middle of the road and

There was a little girl named Fufu. She went

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

A bunch of Saddam Hussein's body doubles were waiting

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the

Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed,

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel

* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out

There once was a lowly snail, who was busily crawling

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see's a sign

I saw an interview in which an expert on military

There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about

If at first you don't suceed, sky diving isn't

The American Dairy Association was so successful

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

10. You look like a hooker I knew in Phoenix. 9.

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

A few days before his proctological exam, a one

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks

A guy came home one day after getting fired from

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part

A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple

Women got off the Titanic first. Women can scare

Why did Harry Potter have to repeat his first year

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Two flies were flying around a pile of poo and

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

A 12 inch pianist walks into a bar, looks at the

A Syrian guy walked into a cafe. He sees a Lebanese

Question - What is the difference between a liberal

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 1)

Gary Condit was on a sinking ship and everyone

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor",

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

On the first day of school, a teacher asked her

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.

George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven,

Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing

Three old men were talking about how much their

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night.

Three couples went in to see the minister about

Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they

A kid walks into a lunchroom at school and sees

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went

11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

Did you hear about the man who joined a nudist

The manager of a megastore came to check on his

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

There were these three bees trapped in a hive.

Q: Who made the first soft drink? A: Adam --

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were

10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom,

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

All good Southerners already know these, but in

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse

One day three men were walking along and came upon

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

A man jumps off a building at the same time that

Q: What do a man and a driveway have in common?

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

One day three dwarfs went walking and saw a sign

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

God created earth, and it was good. Then God created

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

Three nuns were taking a walk one day. ''I was

There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen

Two men are sharing a hospital room. "What are

A man is away on business, at a convention for

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit

Q: What is the difference between a boat and a

A man with an average handicap decides to play

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

There were three dogs at a veternarian's office,

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter

Three nuns went to a football game and three men

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the

These three married couples died and when they

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides

Did you hear about the first Viagra Baby? 7

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted

A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had

Q: Why do blondes have “TGIF” on their

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting.

What did the redneck do with his his first fifty-cent

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and

Two guys are playing golf. The first guy says,

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

A construction worker on the third floor of a building

A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near

One day while taking a walk outside of the White

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

Once there was a sperm named Stanley. When all

Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas

There were three pregnant women sitting together.

There are three whores sitting in a bar. The

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the

Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide

There is this third grade class with this kid named

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

Why does it take longer to run from second base

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

As the title suggests, this is how to successfully

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

What do guys and ceramic tiles have in common?

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

One day a government worker was digging through

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her

What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?

Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

Three rednecks are talking about how stupid their

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar,

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

Who invented the first computer in Biblical Times?

The European Union commissioners have announced

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting

Three tampons are walking down the street, a small

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

One day while at the White House, the maid was

What is the first programming language you learn

There are two lesbians and two gay guys. Both

There were these two bums and they were hungry

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The

One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on

Yo Mama is so fat, that her first word was oink.

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.

A woman went to the doctor's and complained of

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

A man who was having heart trouble went to the

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven,

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A road consturction manager needed to hire someone

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race.

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

A man is driving down the road and notices a car

Doctor: I have good news and bad news. Patient:

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country

Three guys were in a bar and they heard a woman

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

There was a contruction worker who was working

Once there was a church that had a bell that no

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I

Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he

Three men want to marry the king's most beautiful

3 bums were outside a bar.The first one went in

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

Three men were sitting in a bar one day. they were

Q: There were two gay men and two lesbians moving

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

(which in our society means over 25) An older

The sky was dark The moon was high We were

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

Three women were at the doctor's office for the

Three vampires walked into a bar. The first one

A little boy was in school, he raised his hand

Three men were walking down a street and found

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park

There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater.

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

Two guys are at their house. They decide to play

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction

You might be a redneck if your baby's first words

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy

Three penises were talking to each other and the

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

Three gay men died, and were cremated. Their lovers

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking

There was this little boy who had no name. One

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people. ''He

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

One day a man was planting flowers outside his

Why did God invent a man first? She wanted

Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff.

There were three guys who where rowing a canoe

Peter's mother has three kids. The first two

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

A women is getting married for her fourth time

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on

Two aliens land on the earth, near L.A. They get

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton,

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor

One sunny Saturday morning, the first of a twosome

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very

There was this virgin that was going out on a date

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

1) You always know if you are the first one to

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

Three bears came out of hibernation and they were

A lady ran into the lobby at a golf course. ''I've

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

There were three men who got stranded on an island.

There was this man who really had to go to the

How are men and tile alike? If you lay them

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

The teacher was checking her student roster on

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

One day a medical professor and his class were

There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at

A prostitute on the street was approached by a

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

Three little boys were sitting around talking about

1. When the elevator doors close, exclaim loudly

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on

A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

If your wife is shouting at the front door and

A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke

A drunk guy is telling a bartender how much he

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

There was once an old pheasant who was chatting

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

Two guys meet in heaven, and are chatting about

There was a man who was drivivng down the road

There were two blondes as roommates and they both

Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Three men sat at a bar discussing the Christmas

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

Fred, Bob, and Mike were driving down the street

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs

One night, three guys are at a bar talking and

A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are

There was a guy walking down the street when he

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit

One day there were three boys walking down the

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

One man says, ''You mean they are still together

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

These three guys got together one day and were

What's the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles.

Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

Two guys are in mental instituition. One guy

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

Three women were sitting around talking about their

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. The gatekeeper

Did you hear about that big fire at the local gay

"I hope I'm not poisonous," said the first snake. "Why?"

Every day two blonde women would come out of work

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of

''I would like to see a woman dentist,'' said the

Three blonde friends were walking home from a party

Two men were in a pub. One man said, "Did you

Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes

A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when

A little girl came home from school and told her

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his.

One time at a local golf course three shitty players

One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates

Three lawyers died and went to hell. Satan told

A woman went camping and while she was out she

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

A young deaf-mute couple got married. At first

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom

Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first one

A couple has been together for thirty years and

A grade school teacher was asking students what

Q: When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?

The young fellow was about to be married and was

There were three extremely poor men. They were

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out

One day, Monica Lewinsky found a lamp. She rubbed

It was this little girl's first day of school and

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

There was a man once that was always talking about

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

Jeremy and Kris are walking down the street and

Three men went into a stripper bar and this stripper

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

A newlywed couple were on their honeymoon and were

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer. He

A couple was getting ready to go out to celebrate

Yo mama's so fat, first she filled the bathtub,

There was this pot-head walking down a road when

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

There was a young country boy who was very bright.

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

The pentagon said they had too many generals running

A man was heading to England and his next-door

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he

President Clinton opened doors for future presidents.

This lady is throwing a party where each guest

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says,

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking

What's the first thing to come out of a man's penis

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government? A:

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

Yo mama's so ugly, yo dad first met her at the

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?

Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

A couple took their young son for his first visit

    Three blokes enter a disabled

    Some people are sitting in a

Three guys are sitting in a bar when the first

1) Chest Trays 2) NFRU (Not for Recreational

At a southern university, students in the psychology

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

    This is an actual job application

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

A mortician was working late one night. It was

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

Ted and Julie go to bed with one another for the

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

These two guys meet after not having seen each

There were three old ladies sitting on a park bench

JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

    For the first time in many years,

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

Two Texans were having the blue plate special at

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Two young guys were picked up

A young man sits down at a bar. "What can I get

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

1) You define summer as three months of bad

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing

Two kids were having the standard argument about

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

    Four old Catholic women are

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

Three friends die in a car accident and they

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime

Let's watch Lifetime! Sex is overrated. I don't

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

''Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent!'' ''I'm

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of

An executive was in a bind. He had to get rid

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime,

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst

    A herd of buffalo can only move

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

A blonde and a both jump off a cliff at the same

    Two explorers are flying over

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

It is near the end of the school year.  The

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are

1. In the company of females, intercourse

    The following information was

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

Run one lap around the office at top speed

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes The South

A judge was punishing three men because they had

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

Three couples went in to see the minister to see

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Support Cannibalism

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

Dear __________________________,    

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

September 15     

Last name: ________________ First name (check

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom,

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

    Dear Son,    

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

Next mood swing: 6 minutes I hate everybody, you're next. And your point is.............? I

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her

An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

The George W Bush Presidential Lie-berry is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

The psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes. "Just to establish

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL

In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity. Once, while

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when

Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. The first said, that he is so good he sold a color

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling

10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit. 9. She's been wearing an engagement ring

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor

Two scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

During the banquet celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. 8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian.

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

On a given night, 2 death row inmates are scheduled to be electrocuted on old sparky. While one execution

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde? A: It has a stamp on it. Q: Why do blondes have

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic,

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. "The Law

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class "What part of your body do you think

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, a blonde, a brunette and

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older

The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter..... "One afternoon

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. My memory's

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented

She married and had 11 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again,

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven,

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

Always wear brown shoes when Congress is in session. If the First Daughters are wearing short skirts,

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

So anyvay, late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink its time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms. Four worms were

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel

President Clinton wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

Men are like ....... Laxatives ...... They irritate the @#%$ out of you. Men are like ........

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, "What's that

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid

So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out

Jason wanted to get his blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, but also something

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with

A blonde was standing on the river bank looking confused when she spotted another blonde across the

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub, a week before Xmas, enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided

Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path

The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, "I've got

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer

A blonde was listening to Two men at a party talking about the recent space program. not wanting to

A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training,

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour. 'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist. 'Why of course!' 'Good.

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb.

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A blonde, brunette, and a red head were all in a race swimming breastroke accross the english

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide

There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are,

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

A chemistry instructor wanted to teach his ninth grade class about the evils of liquor, so he created

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three

Dave was the vice-president of ACME inc. One day the president,Mr. Smith called him into his office.He

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?"

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy.

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Felix from the odd couple went on a ballon ride. He did not have enough hot air and crashed in a remote

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A first grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice: "What did you do at recess?" Alice

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

The moon shone silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist,

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

A woman's husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said,

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb.

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day,

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, An autopsy professor was giving an introductory

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot:

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and

A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents