Fresh

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts

An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

Three vampires were on a tree, each bragging about being the best vampire of the three. All of the sudden,

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed,

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

Yo mama is so nasty, she puts ice down her pants

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

Why does a woman pierce her belly button? So she

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The

12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely,

Nike Condoms: Just do it. Mentos Condoms: The

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently

This Avon lady was out selling her wares. She

Yo mama is so stupid, she poured ice down her

Yo mama's so nasty, she has to put ice down her

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.

This newlywed couple is in bed and the man rolls

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

A man from another country came to the U.S. and

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Reaching the end of a job interview,

    For all you guys out there who

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, favorites of lawyers

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

1. What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT's? Drool. 2. What do you get when you put 32

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

A first grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice: "What did you do at recess?" Alice

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.