Jokes
Software update
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech
Hooker Finance
The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street , the seasoned veterans
High Birth Rate
A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state
The cute things they say to each other
You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This
Change of plan
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered
Old Ghost Face
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple
Little Sausage
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:"Your
Toothpaste
A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick
Special Code
A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children
My Bike
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient
How do you know a guy is a virgin
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:
Birthday
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he
Made in Japan
A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took
Flower Note
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
Which Feels Better
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoys sex more. The man
Custody
An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed
Martian
Two astronauts, a man and a women, were on a mission to go to Mars and make contact with intelligent
Marriage
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective
Bull Auction
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching
Each Had A Problem
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem
Cup Holder
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder
Needs
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and
Bored During Lunch
Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building
Ask too many times
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they
Irish Pub Sausage
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't
Democratic Light Bulb Replacement Policy
How many Democrats does it take to change a light
Military Jobs
Why is being in the military like getting a blow
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.
Mime Haiku
What''s that over there? Not a bull, but a person
None For You
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived
Do it like mammals
A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ââ,¬Å"Doctor,ââ,¬Â
Blonde Luck
A Blonde was at a gumball machine. She put a quarter
Major Crackage
Q: Why was Oprah stopped at the airport? A: She
Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all
Fast as You Can
A young man goes out and buys the best car on the
Things Couldn't Be Nurse
A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen
What's the best part about gardening?
What's the best part of gardening? Getting down
24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator...
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead
Three men had been stuck on an island...
Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years. Just
A Brunette a red head and a blonde were in ...
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail
Unbearable Lightness of Being
One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a
A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees ...
A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President
First Class
A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the
Corn Hole
A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the
Benifits of Being an Athiest
A very religious man lived right next door to an
Seminars For Men
Once again the female staff will be offering courses
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when
I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I
A guy came home one day after getting fired ...
A guy came home one day after getting fired from
Famous People Say the Darndest Things
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back
Nursing Home Chit Chat
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior
Santa Claus is a Woman
I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be
The Birds, The Bees, The Bushettes
Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble
What's Up Doc?
A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking
Blonde Rows of Corn
A blonde is driving along a deserted country road
Bush is a Puppet?
President George W. Bush was getting angry about
Bush at the Wheel
Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of
Senior Golf Logic
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with
Moses Meets Dubya
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One
69 Virgin
An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house
How To Bathe A Cat
I. Know that although the cat has the advantage
Drug Used to Seduce Men
Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,
Mouse Hole
This guy was having a problem with mice in his
NOAH's ARK - A Modern Tale
And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm
Top 11 Worst Things To Say at a Funeral
11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll
My First Sexual Experience
Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in
Having a Beer With Your Brothers
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The Deserted Island
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of
Birth Signs
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive
Gynecologist Grease Monkey
A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and
25 Fun Pool Activities
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't
Airplane Small Talk
Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The
Don't Drink And Not Drive
Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into
Yo Mama's Like a Brick
Yo mama is like a brick -- she is always getting
Botched Robbery
Two guys are committing a robbery. One of them
Sonny, Got Any Viagra?
An old man went into a pharmacy and asked for two
Stewed Tomatoes
A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells
Circumcision... At Your Age?
Two men are sharing a hospital room. "What are
Jumping Rope
Two teenagers were walking through a park when
Three Dogs at the Vet
There were three dogs at a veternarian's office,
Southern Values
There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,
Skin Sculpture
One day, a man went into the doctor because he
Switcheroo
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You
Sex-Crazed Cock
One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster
Night Of The Living Dead
An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The
Please Grab!
A woman went into a department store and told the
Satisfaction
There was an older man who'd married a younger
Girl's Best Friend
A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all
Blonde Ice Fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting
The True Story
Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state
Showers: Men Vs. Women
How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing
Rotten Reggie
There is this third grade class with this kid named
Sanitary Blonde
A blonde was driving across several states to go
Rooster in His Declining Years
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new
Rump Roastin'
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into
Hot 'n' Heavy
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her
Your Chest Is So Flat
Your chest is so flat, the walls are getting jealous.
It's A Family Thing
"When you getting married to your girlfriend?" "I
Dirty Jokes and Beer
A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A
Daddy's Weight-Loss Program
Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one
Forgetful Minds
A couple has been married for 50 years. One day
Monster.com
A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran
This Farm Boy Goes Into a Whorehouse...
A farm boy who had just finished his schooling
Before It Starts
A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner
Ten Things to Do in a Public Bathroom
1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour
Streisand Gives Good Head
What is the best thing about getting head from
Rating Your Christmas Party
If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do
Sex and Air
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you're
The Stupid Nomad
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on
Sex Ed
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach
The Prom Dress
A month before Prom night the daughter goes to
Gas Grill
A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,
Three Men and a Bed
Three guys walk into a motel and find out there
Three Types of Sex
There are three types of sex in a marriage. The
Smart Pills
One day two boys were walking through the woods
A Small Journey Through Hell
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to
Martian Sex
It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples
Geriatric One-Nighter
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get
George of the Jungle
George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle
Good, Bad, Worse
Good: Your children are sexually active. Bad: With
Loose Constructionists
A road consturction manager needed to hire someone
Fishin' or Buggery?
There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday
City Girls and Country Boys
A city girl was driving back to town after attending
Bar: Guy and a Picture of a Hottie
This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders
Yo Mama's So Fat... Restaurant
Your mama is so fat that when she goes to a restaurant,
Froggie Proposal
A man had a very small penis, so he went to a witch
Turtles and Picnics and a Minor Tragedy
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide
Astrological Signs
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type
Jesus wants to be Arnold Palmer
Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about
Blind Man & Nuns
Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting
Getting Any on the Side?
Joe was asked at work if he was getting any on
Clinton and AIDS
Most wives whose husbands fool around have to
Fun With Cops
(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask
Doing The Washing
A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it
The Golfer
The was a man named George who got a new job.
Retired Sailor
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and
Boudreaux and Pedro
One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.
Lady At the Bar
There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted
Blonde Lightning Storm
Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?
The Twinkie Joke
A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop
Cheap Cat
One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich
Your Profession and Your Libido
A women is getting married for her fourth time
Who Was That Masked Man?
A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween
The Cannibals Eat Out
Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.
The Day After Thanksgiving
It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru
Trade Talks
One day as President Clinton was getting off the
The Proxy Father
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a
The Bus Driver
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to
Scooby Doo
There was a woman who was interested in getting
The Three Ugly Ducklings
One day in a small redneck town in the middle of
Eat Your Vegetables, Kids
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The Chinese Workman
A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,
Signs Your Mate is Having Cyber Sex
10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with
Obnoxious Pool Fun
*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't
The Blue Eye
One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted
Recruiting for a New Pope
Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican
Vile
So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the
The Tomato Family
The Tomato family is walking down the street. There's
Hold Me
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.
Muffin Diver
There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The
American in Mexico
There was this American tourist in Mexico, and
Who Knocked Up My Bear?
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup
SF Pregnancy Rate
Q: What's in the air in San Francisco that keeps
Top 10 Country Music Titles
1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns
Boyfriend, Granpa and Rover
On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is
The 20 Disses
Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just
The Wrinkled Nightgown
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary,
Lightning Blonde
Why does a blonde smile at lightning? She
Midget Shmidget
Did you hear about the midget that went to a
Signs You've Had Enough of the New Millenium
1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.
Annoying Boy on Bus
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right
Top 20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always
Something Borrowed, Something Blew
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to
Stone Surprise
One day there were two boys playing by a stream
12 Days of Christmas
Dearest John, I went to the door today and the
Three Blondes
There were three blondes living together. Blonde
Bob and the Asshole
Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden
Get Your Ire Up
Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,
Tootsie Roll Pop
What's the similarity between a tootsie roll pop
The Blonde and the Zipper
A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees
A Paratrooper's First Jump
A young man joined the Army and signed up with
Getting Flowers
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street
The Government's a Prostitute
Why is the government like a prostitute? You're
Snow White
Why is Snow White always getting mad at the seven
Ghost story for tots
A football player walked into a motel on a rainy
3 Flies in a Bathroom
One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage
The Misprinted Money Melee
This crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill
The Great Hunter
A man claimed he could name any animal that was
Don't Kick the Animals, Man
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his
Twinkie
A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS
The Royal Honeymoon
On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie
Breast Enlargement Home Kit
There is this couple, and the wife is very self
A Girl Named Happy Butt
It was this little girl's first day of school and
Signs That You are Too Drunk
You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You
Pickup Truck Full of Blondes
Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up.
Marital Mirth
A couple was getting ready to go out to celebrate
Ah, Fugettaboudit
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were
PC Three Little Pigs
Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or
Golfing With The Mob
One morning, a man approached the first tee, only
Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex
1) You can GET chocolate. 2) If you love
Those Lovely Farmer's Daughters
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting
Shipwreck'd
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island
Dragons
A father has three daughters that are all getting
Laugh Lines
Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at
Eat Your Vegetables
What's the difficult thing about eating vegetables?
10
What is 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1? Bo Derek getting
Yo Mama's So Slutty
Yo' mama so slutty she heard Santa say, "ho ho
Corn Flakes
Two brothers are getting ready for school. One
The Local Strip Club
Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends
Gone Fishin'
Once there were two best friends, named Fred and
Airy Sex
Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it's
You Might Be A Redneck If...Dishwasher
You might be a redneck if you think loading the
The New Harley
This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley
Women Education Courses
Women think they already know everything, but wait...training
Geriatric Sex
Two old biddies were talking about their lives
Japanese Banking Disasters
According to inside contacts,
Mirror, mirror
A young woman with small breasts buys a finely carved
Drunk at Your Door
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock
Little Kid's Books
'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best
Daily Affirmations
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get
Not What The Doctor Ordered
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.
Adult Education
Male Seminarsby Females 1. Combatting
Old Ladies' Noggins
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting
Signs That You're A Drunk
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
The Same Thought
Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One
Translating Male Phrases
"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going
Strange Bed Fellows
There are three men in a hotel each wanting
Wheelchair Speed Demon
Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and
Mama mia, what's a honeymoon?
Two Italian virgins get married
Randy Rooster
A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and
Coming From All Directions...
A trucker who had driven his
The Talented Parrot
This guy is not getting along so well with his
Wacky News of the World
But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,
The Legend of the Christmas Tree Angel
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and
Dumb Crooks Roundup
BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME
An APB on God
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,
Man, Wife and Circus tent
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner
West Virginia Custody Battle
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote
Instant-Win Airbags!
DETROIT--With third-quarter
Clinton's Favorite Things
This should be sung to the tune "A Few of
Working On The Fourth Husband
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting
Do You Have A Light?
Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when
Six Feet Under The Sheets
Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).
Childhood Of Yore
I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to
Survival of the Fittest Brain Cells
A herd of buffalo can only move
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner...
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.
Mmmmmmmilk
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It
Merle Goes Out Drinking Every Night...
Every night after dinner, Merle
Confused Child in Wedding Party
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he
The Army Hospital
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits
Closest Shave Ever
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the
Royal Wedding
On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting
Priest's First Mass
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
Chemistry, Duke and Bonkistry
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught
The 12 Days of Christmas
December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:
Full of Wool
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them
Monica's Diary
Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!
Philosophy
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)
Framed
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,
Bubbles and Barbie
Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman
White Zinfandel
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she
Dear Landlord
Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle
Accident
After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was
Eyes of the Beholder
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client
The Senator
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul
Gone Hunting
Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few
Healthier
Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first
No Sleep
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs
Janitor or Millionaire
Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The
Hired Hand
A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year
Seeing the Doctor
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His
Guess Who
Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for
The Barber Shop
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems
Man + Woman
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb
Stuttering Salesman
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,
The Elderly Couple
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.
Really Bad Day
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new
If Airlines Sold Paint
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:
AARP Banners
I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's
City Boy
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed
Irish Transportation
The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod
MIT's Course Evaluations for Fall, 1991
The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
Having Fun with a Telemarketer
Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is
Pregnant Blonde
other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!
Barbecue
A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day and the man looks over at his wife and says
Six Feet
Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,
Ah So True
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine
Simple Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.
First Cut is the Deepest
Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were
Valentines Day
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically
A Modern Day Parable
A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race
Senior Thoughts
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---
Female Compassion
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only
Fridays
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting
Misunderstanding
Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took
The Druggist
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's
Sweetness Of Married Life
A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't
Bush Bumper Stickers
01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a
Construction Site
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman
Home Depot
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The
Pick Up Lines, Part 2
your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running
First Drink
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son
Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He
The Pope
After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver
Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and
Wise Sayings
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Hot Water
John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife
Reviews of Hillary's New Book
"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that
Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may
Why Girls Should'nt Get a Tattoo
Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with
Career Choices
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought
Golden Urinal
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White
Washington Post
The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
The Evils of Marijuana
A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite
I am a Father
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
Auction
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this
Little Cussing Johnny
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his
One Out of Ten
A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting
Sunday School
I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting
Love, Lust and Marriage
Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-
New Las Vegas Slogans
"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here
Tetanus Shot
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
Childhood Sweethearts
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To
Make Me a Virgin
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married
The $100 Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He
If Airlines Sold Paint . . .
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:
Old Is When...
Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care
Things You Can't Say With a Hallmark Card
1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted
Noah in America
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once
Fidel Castro
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and
Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
A Dog's Life
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some
Letter to the IRS
Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.
Selling Bibles
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the
Bear in the Woods
Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed
A Trim and A Shave
While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has
Bad Habits
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem
Health Advice
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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
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A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist
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A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the
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Close Shave
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Butt Measurement
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Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the
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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the
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Ice Fishing
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