Little

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write

Bill Gates was going down the road in a car when a cop pulls him over. He says, "Officer, I assure you

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your

In a company there's this tai-chi king. His tai-chi has reached the level where even the boss could do

Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"Grandpa says "Is

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

Robinson was notorious for finding the little loopholes that won him acquittals even in the most difficult

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy,

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:"Your

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.When she is 28, she is a hockey ball -

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.Four worms were placed

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoys sex more. The man

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother.""Daddy

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

A psychiatrist advised his timid little patient to assert himself. "Don't let your wife bully you. Go

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed anew head Samurai so he sent

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

Two little potatoes are standing on the street

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

What do you get when you cross a blue whale and

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

1. There''s no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special"

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

A firefighter is working on the engine outside

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A nun at a Catholic school is asking her students

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her

Knock, knock who's there? Orange Orange who?

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.

A little rabbit is running happily through the

Q: How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked,

This guy breaks into a house, and starts stealin

Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school

A woman wakes up one morning and open the blinds.

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little

The Principal of an elementary school went into

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

Q: What did the gay midget doctor say to his patient? A:

One day a teacher told her students to draw a train

Little gay Johnny asks Billy, "If you went camping

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota.

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long

An Amish woman and her son are walking through

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

There was a little girl named Fufu. She went

A sailor walked into a bar with a small head. The

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

10. Splash on a little goat's blood. 9. Play romantic

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck,

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said,

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please

Knock, Knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? I know

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

"Ahhh! It's Yoda's little friend you seek!" "Nerrrm.

A young mother was having a consultation with a

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

According to a news report, a certain private school

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings

Little Johnny came home from school one day and

Little Johnny walks into the classroom and says,

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Road rage: Who gives a BEEP! Why not raise a

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

Bush is my shepherd I shall not lie He leadeth

How's Your Melon Smellin'? Two women were walking

On her way to Grandma's house, Little Red Riding

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

On the first day of school, a teacher asked her

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

President George W. Bush decides it is time to

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

Why doesn't George W. Bush eat parrots? A little

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

This guy was having a problem with mice in his

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor,

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are riding

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

Bob just moved from New York City to Alabama. He

A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage

There once was this guy who was going on a date

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Q: Who's Bigger -- Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's son?

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

What's the difference between an old cat and a

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

One day, a little boy was peeing in a public restroom

A man went over to his girl's place for a little

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

One weekend, a husband, and wife were up in the

A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes

One day, the Mayor of Whatsville came to Little

Who's bigger, Mr. Bigger or his baby? The baby

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over

There was this Indian who just came back from a

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

A young priest is unhappy with how little money

Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

Why don't little girls fart? Because they

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and

A little boy and his father are walking down the

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm

There once was a toad that was excluded from all

A local reporter was interviewing locals about

Three nuns went to a football game and three men

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

One day, a man went into the doctor because he

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit.

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and

Two guys are playing golf. The first guy says,

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

There were three nuns talking and one nun said,

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

Four people are in an airplane: the president,

A little boy runs into his house and asks, “Mom,

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

A traveling salesman is in West Virginia when he

One night a Scottish couple took a walk through

A lady walked into a bar and there were no seats

Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

A little boy came home from school one day and

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get

There was a little boy and a little girl in a

One day a teacher went into her class room and

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married

Why did God make men a little smarter than dogs?

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

After much careful research, it has been discovered

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar,

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

There was a guy that was stranded on an island.

Have you been eating cake lately? Because you look

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

A man asked his wife if it was, perhaps, time for

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach

Two college students are in Ireland for a vacation

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

How many perverts does it take to put in a light

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing

A little boy was in his room playing with himself,

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

One day while at the White House, the maid was

One upon a time there was a town with a new church

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

There were two little crabs who met in Florida

After World War II, an American soldier was going

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked

The world is going to end in three days, so God

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A reverend was walking in a big city park, when

Mary had a little sheep With this sheep She

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks

One day, a little boy asks his father what the

Little Johnny has to write a story about someone

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things.

One day this little girl's dad came home and she

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The

A redneck teacher decides to give her class a small

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney

What did the big black bucket say to the little

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but

A little boy was in school, he raised his hand

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one

St. Peter and God talking. God says, "St. Peter,

A guy walks into a bar and he orders a whiskey.

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

10. SHE'S A GOBLIN! 9. I'D LIKE TO GET A LITTLE

This guy with a really small head walks into a

A married couple was walking down the street when

There was this little boy who had no name. One

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

Nursery Crimes: Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,kissed

At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in

You are so fat, I put a quarter up your butt and

A man walks into a grocery store and asks for some

How do you get a Kleenex to dance? Put a little

A biker had been injured in an accident and was

There was this Indian chief who was straining to

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill,

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a

One day a little girl came running into her house

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

What did the little birdie say when he flew over

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

Q: How can you make a very lively hankerchief?

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother

Why did the gynecologist go to the eye doctor?

There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group

Q: What's E.T. short for? A: Because he has

Jack and Jill went up a hill to have a little fun.

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is

Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a

A little boy wanted to be Bill Clinton for Halloween,

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house,

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

Three little boys were sitting around talking about

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke

A man was stranded on an island for two years,

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

10. She's a goblin! 9. I'd like to get a

There was a man who was drivivng down the road

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

A little boy was walking down the hall one day

Women claim that computers should be referred to

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

A little girl came running into the house crying

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the

A young boy walks in on his mother in the bathtub.

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,

One day there were three boys walking down the

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, when

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

When someone says: ''Suck it'' or ''Blow me,''

What's the definition of innocence? A nun working

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality

Yo Mama is so poor, she told your little siser

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking through the woods

One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

A man was walking on the beach when he happened

There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but

How do you know when it's ''bedtime'' at Michael

One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

This is actually a true story that happened to

A little girl came home from school and told her

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

"Your dog is pretty dirty," Mrs. Trupin said to

There's this husband and wife that have twin beds

A man notice a little girl frolicking in the park

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

Once there were these two morons sitting on a rock.

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the

A little kid walks into a movie theater one day.

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

There was a woman who got married. Her husband

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

One day, shortly after having her ninth baby, the

It was this little girl's first day of school and

A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer. He

To my darling wife: During the past year,

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

One day this man says to his wife, "Lets take a

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing

A kid stands up in class and says, "Teacher, teacher,

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

There was a little boy who got up one morning and

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

Knock, knock! Who''s there? Little boy blue. Little

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house

A college psychology class was studing human reaction

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to

Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom!

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

Why do little girls walk around with dead goldfish

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

Teacher: John, give me a sentence using the word,

After the church service, a little boy told the

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

    A guy sticks his head into a

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm

If the government is going to put health warning

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

We all know those cute little computer symbols

A family was having some people to dinner. At

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She

70-year-old George went for his annual physical.

A women desperately looking for work goes into

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

A little boy is playing with his new football and

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young

The following letters were taken from an actual

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement

There was this couple who had been married for

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that

    A young reporter once covered

    The curator of a Western art

1) You define summer as three months of bad

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

This guy is not getting along so well with his

Q: What is the dirtiest thing ever said on television?

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider

    Psychologists have discovered

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    One day, a mechanic was working

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because

    While inspecting their honeymoon

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

    A little girl asked her mother

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst

    Every night after dinner, Merle

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

It is near the end of the school year.  The

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's

Our Rights: The following was written by State

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two

Dear __________________________,    

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

God created the mule, and told him, "You

    Dear Son,    

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On

Creation vs Evolution has been settled! A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City Christmas Shopper Seniors down a highway, when

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

Way down in Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies,

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it.

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day and the man looks over at his wife and says

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night. Whispering firmly, the priest

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray had always wanted a pair of authentic

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

One day while Little Johnny and his freind Arnie were playing out in the back yard,they started talking

One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um,

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that,

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"... 1. "I'm gonna pump

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is

We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

Rejected Titles Before Settling on BrokeBack Mountain: HIGH NOONER JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON TRUE,

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies,

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic,

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted

Way down in Louisiana, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class "What part of your body do you think

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.

What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

for All Those Men Who Say, " Why Buy The Cow When You Get The Milk For Free" Here's An Update For

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

Think a gallon of gas is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective. Diet

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

One night, a little blind boy's mother said to him, "Anthony, if you pray really, REALLY hard tonight,

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL,

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent

A man comes up to the cashier and she notices that his fly was open. She looks at him and says, "Your

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young

World's thinnest Books available at a bookstore near you. FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass. Impotence...Nature's way of saying

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

So anyvay, late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink its time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms. Four worms were

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained,

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr.

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf*ck you. 2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 3. Well,

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: *29

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed,

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter,

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

Bob dies and goes to the pearly gates where he waits in line. As he draws closer he sees there are

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $200,"

Men are like ....... Laxatives ...... They irritate the @#%$ out of you. Men are like ........

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

I live in Texas. I also have two friends that are blonde and sisters. One day, they approached

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both." After

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

A little boy and a little girl are playing. The little boy pulls down his shorts and says, "*I* have

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00."

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,

Teacher asked her class to use 'definitely' in a sentence. Jane raised her hand and said, "The sky

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "I would rather have a

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. "I

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper

Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training,

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:

A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist,

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers. "And

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she

A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed - "Here lies a good

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are,

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try

The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt

Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station.

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

The teacher asked little Johnny, "What's two and two?". He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said,

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes,

One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam it was time to populate the earth. He

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

A woman's husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off;

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and

so michael jackson is on his private plane...and he's in the back with a bunch of little boys. So