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This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?",

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

What a woman says, what she really means... I

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

Taoism: Shit happens. Buddhism: If shit happens,

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

Two teenagers were walking through a park when

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

There was a nintey-year-old lady who was still

A middle aged woman lived alone except for her

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven,

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

A woman goes over to her married son's house and

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

A man named George was new in the city and needed

Abe and Sara are in their 80's. One day Abe comes

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they

What's the difference between a smart blonde and

There are approximately two billion children (persons

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

The young fellow was about to be married and was

Man visits doctor with apple stuck in mouth,

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

A man from another country came to the U.S. and

Two couples go away on a two-week holiday together.

An old man from a far off land was once on the

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

This guy is not getting along so well with his

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

An FM station has a competition where they ring

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. "I'm

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died,

(We take you now to the Oval Office.) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

There was a church down in Southwest Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second

I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room. Donald wanted to have

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter,

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy. A blonde woman walks into an auto

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last