PLEASE

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

The bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cahier after learning the combination to the safe and had

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

John was talking to his fiancée, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"To

In a small airplane there were four people: the pilot, the Pope, Bill Gates and a hitchhiker. They were

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

A man walks into a coffee shop and places his order. "I'd

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A woman visiting her doctorââ,¬â"¢s office

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ââ,¬Å"Doctor,ââ,¬Â

A blonde women is sitting in her garage, alone,

A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

Two nuns from France were coming to New York.

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon.

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil

A drunk leprechaun was staggering home with a pint

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

At a news conference, a journalist said to the

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

A woman is at a doctor's office. She begs the

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck,

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding See

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub

Joke from our friends in India... Once as Laloo

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there

The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous,

1) The president is not in his/her office at this

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across

So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the

One day three men were walking along and came upon

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

The Li'l Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese.

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother.

You are so fat, that when you step on a scale and

A redneck couple gets married and are on their

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex

There was an older man who'd married a younger

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into

From: General Manager To: Departmental

A woman goes to a doctor, and says, "Doctor I want

A traveling salesman is in West Virginia when he

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

A teacher was teaching a class of five year olds

After much careful research, it has been discovered

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

There was this guy who always went out drinking

A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

After World War II, an American soldier was going

This guy is standing outside on his balcony on

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

A woman comes into a hardware store. "May I help

A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks

What do you say to a football player in an Armani

Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked

You're so fat, the last time you went on a bus,

This guy with a really small head walks into a

There was this teacher who was teaching young kids

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River,

An American businessman is on a business trip

There's a man in the prison hospital on death row

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

10) This doesn't look anything like you... 9)

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

What did the gay man say in the Chinese restaurant? "May

There was this man who really had to go to the

A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and

A long time ago, a cowboy was captured by the Indians.

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

There was a man who was drivivng down the road

Helga was hang the wash out to dry, and then went

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea

A minister wound up the services one morning by

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

Yo' mama so fat, she stepped on a scale and it

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes

A little girl came home from school and told her

I went to the bank last week and said to the cashier,

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents,

Transcript of the actual radio conversation of

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A man arrived at a small village in India, and

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom

"Please remove your blouse and bra," says the doctor

There were three extremely poor men. They were

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny

A man goes into a sperm bank and says, "I'd like

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

A minister has just died and is standing in line

When an attractive young girl returned from her

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

A man goes to his doctor and says, ''Doctor, Doctor,

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

    White House staffers were perplexed

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

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A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

The following letters were taken from an actual

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Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

1. In the company of females, intercourse

    The following information was

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Support Cannibalism

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Dear __________________________,    

Last name: ________________ First name (check

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

God created the mule, and told him, "You

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom,

    Dear Son,    

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

Next mood swing: 6 minutes I hate everybody, you're next. And your point is.............? I

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr.

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in

A TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL CONVERSATION: Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

(We take you now to the Oval Office.) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

Mark and Paul stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday mor ning service, and she's in tears. He says,

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

Two scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a prescription for the Pill." "I don't think

We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

One beautiful December evening Pepito and his girlfriend Pepita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

A frightened man dialed 911 to report! an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

This is important information just in case. Symptoms of the Bird Flu... The Center for Disease

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake! Caddy: Think you can keep your head down

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling. The

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

A drill sergeant was known to be brusque with his men. His lieutenant warned him to try to be more

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving,

Felix from the odd couple went on a ballon ride. He did not have enough hot air and crashed in a remote

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

Father O''Grady was standing at the door after Sunday Mass, when Mary Clancy came up to him, tears

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

A guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes