SCREWED

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Fun
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Jokes

Car Joke

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

Girl and Dog

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

No arms, no chance

A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach

General Store Sales Pitch

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young,

The Hunting Knife

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

White House Synonyms

George W. Bush is the President Dick Cheney is

Yo Mama's So Fat... Burnt

Yo mama's so fat that when I screwed her, I burnt

Blonde & Turtle

Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

Smurfette

There were five thousand Smurfs, and one Smurfette,

Please Grab!

A woman went into a department store and told the

Period

Q: What is 6.9? A: 69 screwed up by a period.

Food for the Hungry

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

George of the Jungle

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

A Sad Story

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

The Golden Mug

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on

Screwed, For Sure

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

Punk 'n' Parrot

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes

Yo Mama Virus

Yo' mama's like a virus -- it spreads and your

Sex On The Beach

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets

Never Been Kissed

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

Kill the Anthropologist

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds

Sister-in-Law

Did you hear about the guy who screwed his sister-in-law?

Better Luck Next Time

Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?

Confucious and His Wisdom

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

Small Town Activities

A reporter went up into the hills of West Virginia

Another Bush/Cheney Campaign Slogan

Bush and Dick: Put 'em together and you're screwed.

The Horny Guy and the Whorehouse

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

The Government's a Prostitute

Why is the government like a prostitute? You're

How Many Men Does It Take?

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The Facts of Life

A man walking his son in the park one day came

Blonde and Halogen

What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen

Under the Influence

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.

Taken Apart Like Machines

A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true

Blondes and Turtles

What do turtles and blondes have in common? If

Old Man and the Punk

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

What Did You Say About Mama?!?

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

Older Employees

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

Used Car Lot

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

Drunk

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

Bush Bumper Stickers

01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a

Strange Romantic Poems

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

Three Things Are Inevitable...

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

CDC

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Ten Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Taxiway

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Small Town

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

Dear Employee

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

Warning! New STD Alert!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Buying A Car

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Blonde Compassion

A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, a blonde, a brunette and

Official Announcement

Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle

Two Old Guys

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

New Vocabulary For The Office

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

Cat Competition

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

Sisters of St. Francis

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

What Shakespeare Really Meant

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

Gay Gorilla

Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they

Being Audited at the IRS

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

The Pope and the Seven Dwarfs

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey