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Joan, on an airplane, strikes up a conversation with the geeky computer programmer sitting next to her. "Where

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?" Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me." Tech

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall- I am very sorry about that, I didn't see you I

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells,

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

A man walks into a coffee shop and places his order. "I'd

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A woman visiting her doctorââ,¬â"¢s office

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink,

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender,

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

What a woman says, what she really means... I

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked,

Knock, knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? Sorry,

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

Pamela Anderson and the Queen of England die on

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello.

A young man was walking through a supermarket to

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak

A man walked into an ice cream shop... Man: I'd

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says,

A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and

A man left his cat with his brother while he went

A mushroom goes into a bar and sits down to order

I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.

A guy walked into a restaurant and asked for some

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

A man walks into a bar next to an extremely hot

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for

A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

There were these two bums and they were hungry

There was a contruction worker who was working

One night a man walked into a bar with a brown

Two lesbians walk into a whorehouse and ask for

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle

St. Peter and God talking. God says, "St. Peter,

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

A married couple was walking down the street when

Your mama is so fat, she walked into a Jenny Craig

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the

A blonde walks into an appliance store, and asks

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

One sunny Saturday morning, the first of a twosome

10) This doesn't look anything like you... 9)

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY:

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

There was this man who really had to go to the

A man walks into a pub and sits down at a table.

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview.

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke

Mr. Jones was an old man with Alzheimer's who lived

Two prostitutes are standing on the corner and

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

There was a guy walking down the street in San

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

A lady went to a plastic surgeon to see what he

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting

A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department,

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender

A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and

Bloke walks into a pub with a cheese sandwich

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

1) So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

A blonde walks into the library and says to the

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

A mortician was working late one night. It was

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me,

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

A women desperately looking for work goes into

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

    What to not say to the nice

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

A man and a woman who have never met before find

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are

An FM station has a competition where they ring

Run one lap around the office at top speed

    For all you guys out there who

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!" "Good

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have

An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning: "I'm

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to get his wife's test results. The lab technician says to

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, a blonde, a brunette and

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Leah phones her husband at work, "Izzy, do you have time for a chat?" "Sorry, darling, this is not

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says.

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin,

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. "After you put poison in the

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist,

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him,

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. "Sorry, he doesn't

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well