Jokes
Radio Interview
This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone
Do you have the time
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop
Sex Therapy - Florida Style
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go
Firetruck
A firefighter is working on the engine outside
Close But No Cigar
A guyââ,¬â"¢s been dating the girl of his
A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees ...
A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like
Easter Blondies
Three blondes died and found themselves standing
Blondes and Airplanes
A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How
Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated ...
Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next
Halle Berry Bares All
Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed,
New Improved Lawnmowers
One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when
We take you now to the Oval Office
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:
The Christmas Elf Massacre
Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why
Mom's Affair
There was this woman see, and she takes a lover
Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List
December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.
C.E.O. D.U.M.B
One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break,
Sailors and Soldiers Should Be Friends!
A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite
Bush Has Feelings Too
George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate
Kemosabe Waters the Bushes
One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were
Rocker and NY
John Rocker was on a NY subway and many people
Top Reasons Eminem's Wife Filed for Divorce
--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"
Bush and Clinton and Bush
A reporter remarked to George W. Bush: "It must
Funny Answering Machine Messages
1) The president is not in his/her office at this
Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a
Three Girls Go Camping
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a
The Sexy Negligee
One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is
Nuns Should Beware San Francisco Buses
One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a
The Brass Rat
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping
New Ears
A woman goes to a doctor, and says, "Doctor I want
Thanksgiving Turkey
One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down
Blow in the Blonde's
What did the blonde say when someone blew in her
The Tired Genie
This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon
Men, Don't Say this at Victioria's Secret
10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9.
5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a
Hardware, If You Know What I Mean
A woman comes into a hardware store. "May I help
The Golfer and the Buttercups
A man is participating in a golf tournament. He
Doing The Washing
A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it
Deadbeat in a Bar
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat
The Day After Thanksgiving
It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru
Clemson Wedding -- A long, true story
This is a true story about a recent wedding that
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.
Whose Son is He?
About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail
A Good Mystery
A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater
Pilgrims
Did you know that when the pilgrims landed, if
Proof That Santa Doesn't Exist - For Nerds!
There are approximately two billion children (persons
The Blondes and the Rocking Party
Three blonde friends were walking home from a party
Top Ten Worst Pick-up Lines
10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again
Three Desperate Men
There were three extremely poor men. They were
A Letter To Tide
Dear Tide, I have always used your product
You Might Say It Backfired
A married man visits a sex therapist because he
Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The
Pick-Up Lines That Might Get You Killed
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust
I Enjoy Being a Girl
Every day I give thanks to the Goddess: I have
Vet
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,
Grandma's Nuts
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings
Penis Size
A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the
While the Cat's Away
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens
Midget at a Urinal
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that
You Know You're From Michigan When...
1) You define summer as three months of bad
Field Trip to the Racetrack
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied
Top 13 Never Heard At Daytona 500
13> "None for me, thanks. That
15 Signs You Drank Too Much
15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping
Live On The Radio
An FM station has a competition where they ring
Priest's First Mass
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
Skin Transplant Surgery
A married couple was in a terrible accident where
Pun of the Day
A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why
Older Employees
Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are
Spare Dollars
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches
Bar Mitzvah
Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second
The Riddle Test
George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient
A Day at the Races
One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had
If Airlines Sold Paint
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:
Having Fun with a Telemarketer
Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is
Old Joe
A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town
Who's on first - Bush style
(We take you now to the Oval Office.) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:
Care To Go Upstairs?
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs
Credit Cards
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,
First Drink
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son
Little Old Lady
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's
All That Good Info
Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks
Pizza
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.
Dear Employee
Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced
Thanksgiving
You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving
Wisdom
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly
If Airlines Sold Paint . . .
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:
Things You Can't Say With a Hallmark Card
1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted
What It Means To Be Poor
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose
Who's On First for the Next Generation!
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the
The Shredder
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary
The Skin Graft
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told
Generosity
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning
Girlfriend 7.0
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the
A True Golfer
A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.
Three Blondes and St. Peter
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could
Santa Claus:An Engineers Perspective
I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa
Mamma's Bible
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some
Quotes on Sex
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody
How Dan Rather would have covered D-Day
This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German
Dark In Here
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9
Definition of Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following
Short Cut
A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while
Surgery
A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness
Why White?
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
Words Women Use
FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to
Things That are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS
Abbot and Costello: Computer Shopping
ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up
A Day at the Range
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.
Canadian Tourism Website
These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers
The Spoon
I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter
Desperate Parents
An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell
25th Anniversary
On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.
Cat and Dog Fire Truck
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door
Cowboy Sex
A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married
Drinking Problems
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born
Alaskan Birthday Party
Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He
How to win
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose
200 Bucks
A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony
Whatever it Takes
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have
Baseball Bribe
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son
The Bank Robbers
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the
One Free Wish
A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving,
Camel Questions
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge
On Second Thought...
A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy
Sam Meets Leon
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his
Taking Advantage of Debts
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"
New Face
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor