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New Year's Resolutions You CAN Keep

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

The Bible for Dummies

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Famous People and Chickens

Why did the chicken cross the road? ââ,¬Â¢

I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

New Rules For Employment

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

Reasons Santa Can't Be a Man

Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead

Santa Claus is a Woman

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Retired Marine

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

Bush is a Puppet?

President George W. Bush was getting angry about

What Men Want

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

Final Exam Failure

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

Crossing a River

One day three men were walking along and came upon

Social Security Applicant

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign

Redneck Luv

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

Top 10 Reasons To Be Stupid

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

Social Security

An old man went to the social security office to

Gorilla in Heat

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

Hoshimota

An American businessman is on a business trip

One Arm, Two Arm, Red Arm, Blue Arm

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

Applying For Social Security

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

Benefits of Being Female

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

Diplomacy Definition

The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such

Three Men Visit God on the Mountaintop

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God

Clinton's Final State of the Union Address

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

All-Purpose Excuse Form Letter

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

The Eve of Creation

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

Barbie Turns 40

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

George Washington & Cherry Tree

There has been a recent discovery among archives

Contraceptives '98

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

Romantic Pink Slip

Dear __________________________,    

Drink This In Memory of Me

The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly

Chicks

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Social Security Office

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Intelligence Test

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

Corporate America

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

Union Worker

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Girlfriends

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Halloween at a Hospital

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his

Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

Murphy's Technology Laws

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Laws of the Natural Universe

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

California's Drivers License Exam

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

New Years Resolutions

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you

A Christmas Greeting

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

Rejection Letter Form

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

Actual Lines from Resumes

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

The Creation of the Opposite Sex

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

Warning! New STD Alert!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Santa is a Woman

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

Oxymoronic Statements

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

California Driver Exam

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Pleasure

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

Attainable New Year's Resolutions

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Bumper Stickers You Might Want

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

Jesus in a Bar

The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the

The Man Code

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Yankee Test

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Virus Warning: Missus

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Social Security

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Contraceptive98

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

Post Office Interview

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The

Work Disability

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

The Rich People's Party

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

Talking Baby

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you