Jokes
New Year's Resolutions You CAN Keep
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.
The Bible for Dummies
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:
Famous People and Chickens
Why did the chicken cross the road? ââ,¬Â¢
I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I
New Rules For Employment
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer
Reasons Santa Can't Be a Man
Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead
Santa Claus is a Woman
I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be
Retired Marine
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.
Bush is a Puppet?
President George W. Bush was getting angry about
What Men Want
More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified
Final Exam Failure
Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't
Crossing a River
One day three men were walking along and came upon
Social Security Applicant
The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign
Redneck Luv
A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired
Top 10 Reasons To Be Stupid
10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can
Social Security
An old man went to the social security office to
Gorilla in Heat
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species
Hoshimota
An American businessman is on a business trip
One Arm, Two Arm, Red Arm, Blue Arm
Horace was born with only one arm but he managed
Applying For Social Security
A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.
Benefits of Being Female
* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare
Diplomacy Definition
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such
Three Men Visit God on the Mountaintop
Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God
Clinton's Final State of the Union Address
Members of Congress...people of America....I banged
All-Purpose Excuse Form Letter
All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out
The Eve of Creation
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to
Barbie Turns 40
Yes, it's hard to believe, but
One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons
Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN
George Washington & Cherry Tree
There has been a recent discovery among archives
Contraceptives '98
Microsoft's Latest Venture
Romantic Pink Slip
Dear __________________________,
Drink This In Memory of Me
The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly
Chicks
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,
Social Security Office
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind
Intelligence Test
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,
Corporate America
Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to
Union Worker
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and
Girlfriends
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,
Halloween at a Hospital
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his
Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He
Murphy's Technology Laws
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method
Laws of the Natural Universe
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch
California's Drivers License Exam
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California
New Years Resolutions
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you
A Christmas Greeting
I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to
Rejection Letter Form
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform
Actual Lines from Resumes
I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability
The Creation of the Opposite Sex
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the
Warning! New STD Alert!
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted
Santa is a Woman
I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's
Oxymoronic Statements
Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;
Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many
California Driver Exam
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California
Pleasure
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort
Attainable New Year's Resolutions
This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.
Bumper Stickers You Might Want
He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A
Jesus in a Bar
The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the
The Man Code
1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually
Cinderella
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits
Yankee Test
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called
Virus Warning: Missus
Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV
Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind
Contraceptive98
News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating
Post Office Interview
A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The
Work Disability
A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,
The Rich People's Party
There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,
Talking Baby
A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you