across

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

A little rabbit is running happily through the

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

Q: Why did the city build a graveyard across the

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years. Just

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when

There were two bums walkin down a road. They both

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

Tonto and the Lone Ranger were riding across the

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old

George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven,

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

Why did the frog cross the road? It didn't.

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

Yo Mama is so fat, that if she rode her bike across

What did the man say to the toothpaste model after

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across

All good Southerners already know these, but in

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.

One day three men were walking along and came upon

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they''re on

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

One day in class, the teacher told everyone to

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting.

Christmas was just around the corner, and a father

A young Indian brave goes up to the Chief and says,

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

A blonde was driving across several states to go

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river?

Every morning a man drives to the dock, and every

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

Why are fire engines red? You'd be red too

After World War II, an American soldier was going

There were these two bums and they were hungry

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about

Why did the condom fly across the room? It was

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A penguin was driving his car down the highway

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island,

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a

A man walks into the ice cream shop with his three

Three nuns used to go to the church from their

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

Q. What do you call a dog that has balls of steel

A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw a herd

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant?

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A Russian guy was walking down the street when

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist,

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

You might be a redneck if there has ever been a

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her

Two engineering students were walking across campus

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

1) You define summer as three months of bad

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am,

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Recently someone was browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest (dated Feb. 1962),

A blonde was shopping at Walmart and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A blonde was standing on the river bank looking confused when she spotted another blonde across the

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains when Tonto stops suddenly, climbs down, and puts his

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known

Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months,

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred,

There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer. So the

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed