Jokes
Lesbian Patient
A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your
Blood Test
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.2nd Child: Why are you
Male Organ
Question : Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms. America : Well, I can
The Clinton Tragedy
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example
Drop Dead!
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single
Air Sick
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,
Each Had A Problem
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem
Last Chicken
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to
The world's smartest man
In a small airplane there were four people: the pilot, the Pope, Bill Gates and a hitchhiker. They were
Hamburger Restaurant
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register
An tragedy, and accident, and a great loss
George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and
Countdown
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
Talking in Numbers
Q: Why is six afraid of seven? A: Because seven
Double Oh Seven
James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next
Juicy Squirt
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy
The NEW Poopie List!
Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only
Things Dubya Shouldn't Say
1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into
Gary Condit's Bad Hair Days
Why does Gary Condit's hair always stick up? He's
Birth Signs
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive
The Genie and the Wannabe
A man was walking down the beach when he found
Irish DUI
Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted
Number humor
Q. What is the square root of sixty-nine? A.
Numbersome
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!
Miracle Exercise
There was a woman who had very small breasts and
What Men Need Most
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic
If Dear Abby Were Dear Albert
Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.
Capon Fear
Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? Far
Things Just Fallin' Off
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button
Forgetful Minds
A couple has been married for 50 years. One day
Crappy Date
This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to
The Sick Husband
There was a husband and a wife. The husband was
The Tired Genie
This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon
Betrayal
Two residents at a nursing home became good friends.
Astrological Signs
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type
Preparing for Your Mammogram
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,
Clemson U., S. Carolina and N. Carolina
Three guys were captured in Iraq as American spies
The Proxy Father
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a
Best Excuse For Speeding
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an
Baked Bean Death
Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death
Handbags
The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives
Intelligent Life?
Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on
No Phone Sex with the Blonde?
Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?
Genie Can't Deliver
There was a guy walking down the street in San
The Poopie List
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie
The Blonde and the Horse
There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but
Laxative Cough Therapy
A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and
Love Letters Wife/Husband
To my darling wife: During the past year,
Ah, Fugettaboudit
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were
The Seven Dwarves Go to Rome
The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a
A Crappy Date (A True Story)
Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy
Devil in the Church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,
Never Heard That Excuse
A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an
The Blonde and The Jaguar
A young blonde stock broker was bored with her
Man, Wife and Circus tent
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner
You're Probably Aged 23 to 28
You learned to swim about the same time Jaws
Working On The Fourth Husband
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting
Valentine Gift Test
Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine
From the WordPerfect Help Desk
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.
Paul Revere Ain't No Bill Clinton
Listen my children, and you shall hear Of
Warning! Incredibly Harmful Virus!
Ã, Ã, Ã, If you receive an e-mail
Stick of Dynamite
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at
Cure for a Cough
The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on
Ah So True
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine
Duck Hunt
TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING
Sex Life
An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with
Out of the Grave
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had
Justin & Christian
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one
Medication
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the
Hair Dryer
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died,
Credit Cards
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly,
Priest In Airport Customs
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may
Top 16 Country Songs
16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be
Drive-Thru Confessional
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first
Doctor Visit
There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time. The midget went to
Australian Virgin
After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life
Husband's Story
The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,
9 Months Later
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After
Beast
A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the beast
Living at Home
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the
Politically Correct
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is
George Carlin's Philosophy Class
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three
Vasectomy
A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking
Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
Bad Habits
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem
Halo Statue
A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,
Poker Game
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single
No Ears
Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he
Tan It All
A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a
A Midget Down in Texas
There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went
Marriage and Haunting
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had
Useful Military Warnings
"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,
Cough Syrup
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the
Hollywood Squares
If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth
Things That It Took Me Over 30 Years To Learn
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If
Top 25 Country and Western Songs of All Time
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But
New Software System
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.
Devil in Church
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went
A Simple Test
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,
Surrogate Father
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their
Three Doctors in Heaven
Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.
Winking Problem
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
A Little Testy
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male
Mexican Bandit
The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A
The Ladies Room
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to
Pirates!
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded
No Sex
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements
New Mercedes Owner
A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze
Brain Transplant
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely
Tragedy
President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th
Not Much Time Left
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor
Futuristic Motel
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next
Heaven is Full
God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a
Seducing a Barman
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman
Billing per Hour
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he
The Death of Black Magic
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
George Falls in Love
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for
The Genie
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so