against

There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn't know about her occupation.One day, the

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

A woman visiting her doctorââ,¬â"¢s office

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

How do you kill a marine? Throw sand against the

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

We all know those cute symbols made with keyboard

Goddamn motherfuckin' son-of-a-bitch, He parked

10) Who the hell Begets anymore? 9) Memo to Adam:

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

There were three southern belles that were sisters,

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly

There was a guy walking down the street in San

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous? 9) Is

Abe and Sara are in their 80's. One day Abe comes

What does D.A.M stand for? Mothers

Finally, something other than smiley faces....

A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when

Q: How does a blonde guy take a shower? A:

A woman went camping and while she was out she

A couple has been together for thirty years and

Did you get any under the tree? I think your

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

You might be a redneck if you can't get married

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

A married man goes to confessional and tells the

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you? So

9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. 8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

for All Those Men Who Say, " Why Buy The Cow When You Get The Milk For Free" Here's An Update For

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven,

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said, "I

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.