along

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

A blond died her hair brown because she was tired

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

Two lions are walking along the beach. One turns

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

One day, a blonde was skipping on some train tracks

Why are there so many trees along the streets of

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road

George W. Bush is the President Dick Cheney is

On her way to Grandma's house, Little Red Riding

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

A couple had been married for a long time, but

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

One day three men were walking along and came upon

Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk,

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying,

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

There were two men sitting on a wall outside a

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

There was this lion who had just eaten a bull,and

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar,

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

One day, a pod of whales was swimming along when

An old woman walked into a bank and asked for the

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets

There were these two vampires talking. One says

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Two engineering students were walking across campus

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

The following letters were taken from an actual

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

This guy is not getting along so well with his

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

Our Rights: The following was written by State

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. The first said, that he is so good he sold a color

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

Mark and Paul stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go

The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. "The Law

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Jones and noticed he was crying at the foot

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

There were two ministers who met each Sunday morning riding to their particular church. They both enjoyed

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating