already

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

Yo mama''s so fat, she dont need the Internet -

What did Ike say to Tina when she came in late

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

There was a couple who did not want their children

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

A husband is at home watching a football game when

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

Don't Say This to Your New Girlfriend's Parents... 1.

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

Why are women's wedding dress' colored white?

All good Southerners already know these, but in

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

This letter was started by a woman, like yourself,

Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring,

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

There is a accordion player driving home from a

"When you getting married to your girlfriend?" "I

There was a little boy and a little girl in a

I'm gonna tell you a joke that'll make your tits

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

Billy was 14 and just started jerking off. He loved

What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and

After World War II, an American soldier was going

One day two boys were walking through the woods

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's

(which in our society means over 25) An older

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. Walking

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

After a really good party a man walks into a bar

A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any

There was a couple who did not want their children

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

What's the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac,

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

There were two blondes, one was on one side of

Why did Senator Hillary Clinton decide run for

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

Bloke: Would you shag me for a million pounds? Bird:

I know I haven't known you for a very long time,

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

    This is an actual job application

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

The following letters were taken from an actual

Are you considering having children? To determine

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

There has been a recent discovery among archives

An FM station has a competition where they ring

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." "He

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics.

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as

As You May Already Know, It Is A Sin For A Taliban Male To See Any Woman Other Than His Wife Naked

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver

here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink.

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience"

A lawyer is sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful women sits down next to him. The lawyer

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when

My wife of 14 years is convinced she has Mad Cow disease... ... After all, she had a fast food taco

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake! Caddy: Think you can keep your head down

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A blonde was listening to Two men at a party talking about the recent space program. not wanting to

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

A gorgeous young woman gets into a taxi one day. On the way, the cabby asks her, "Hey baby, would

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife