arrive

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:Dear Wife (that's

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register

A man dies and goes to Heaven. When he arrives

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven.

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding See

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

The king of a small African nation had an elegant

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

This guy hears that there's good bear hunting up

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

This really fat guy wanted to lose weight. He tried

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

There were two little crabs who met in Florida

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home

There was a contruction worker who was working

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he

Two gay men decide to get themselves chased by

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney

After an overnight flight to meet my father at

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings

Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island,

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived

There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and

A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for

1. See how many teenage boys you can gather by

1) You always know if you are the first one to

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

Q. How do you know when your bass player arrives?

This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went

A guy is about to be married, and he's thinking

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

A woman went camping and while she was out she

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

A man arrived at a small village in India, and

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

Three college students were in England and were

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

Your mama is so fat, her stomach arrives home 30

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

A man was heading to England and his next-door

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

A shipment of Viagra arrived yesterday at Heathrow

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

    Every night after dinner, Merle

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

Two scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

1) The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo. 2) The Security guard makes a complete

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

The power mower was broken and wouldn't run. A lady kept hinting to her husband that he should get

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members),

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten

Dave was the vice-president of ACME inc. One day the president,Mr. Smith called him into his office.He

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your