asleep

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

A Blonde goes to a barber and asks for a haircut.

Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

What a woman says, what she really means... I

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

Q: Did you hear about the narcoleptic priest?

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

How many perverts does it take to put in a light

There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

A couple went to church every week, but every

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

Yo' mama is so fat when she fell over she rocked

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

To my darling wife: During the past year,

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

Q. What''s the ultimate rejection?A. When you''re

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

    The Penis requests a promotion

"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe"

    For all you guys out there who

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom,

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting

There was a girl who went to sunday school and always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked and pointed

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings.

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband