beautiful

What are you doing when you see a beautiful woman? I usually download it.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

A 93 year old man sitting on the street, crying. A woman asks him, what’s wrong? The old man

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:Dear Wife (that's

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!"

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

When will women be equal to men? When they can

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. ââ,¬Å"Iââ,¬â"¢ve

A little rabbit is running happily through the

God was talking to Adam one day when Adam begins

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said,

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

What a woman says, what she really means... I

A very religious man lived right next door to an

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

A kid came home from school and asked his dad,

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

Yo mama's so beautiful, chaste, and pure, I long

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no

3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's

"It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

There once was this guy who was going on a date

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate

A man with an average handicap decides to play

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

There once was a toad that was excluded from all

A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

"God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?" "So

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from

One night a Scottish couple took a walk through

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

This really fat guy wanted to lose weight. He tried

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding

One day a government worker was digging through

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

Two lawyers are walking down the street, when a

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar,

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "Piano

This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

Three men want to marry the king's most beautiful

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his

This guy with a really small head walks into a

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing

It is Rennaissance Italy and Lothario and his friend

This old guy goes into a church in a small town

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

A man walks into the ice cream shop with his three

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says

What do you call a beautiful girl in Russia?

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

There was a man who was drivivng down the road

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

A man notice a little girl frolicking in the park

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

A newlywed couple were on their honeymoon and were

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

A haggard old lady is riding in a posh hotel's

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

A young businessman had just started his own firm.

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a

Two engineering students were walking across campus

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the

    Johnny meets a girl on the street.

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

    The curator of a Western art

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

    One day a hunter was walking

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime,

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

1. Teaching Math In 1950s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that,

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

Davie walks into a bar and sees his friend Norm slumped over the bar. Davie walks over and asks Norm

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person

One beautiful December evening Pepito and his girlfriend Pepita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

A guy was walking down the street when he was startled to see a beautiful, young nude girl running

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Scotsman were out at the beach. Suddenly they spied a beautiful mermaid

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

A lawyer is sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful women sits down next to him. The lawyer

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!! B... WINDOWS Woman:

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers. "And

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife

A fellow comes to confession. "Father," he said, "forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asked,

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old

A woman's husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, An autopsy professor was giving an introductory

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always