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US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

President Bush is so stupid, he dyed his hair blonde

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one

Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

As usual, things were not going well at the United

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

What does a lesbian need to become a lesbian?

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

How does one become stoned drunk? Drink

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

Men are like a fine grape. They are best kept

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

A biology class student conducted an experiment

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

Q: When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

You're so poor that when you take a bath it becomes

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

    What to not say to the nice

Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed

Those who have it would be devastated if it

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180

Three couples went in to see the minister to see

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders

Try this... On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

You are different and that's bad. Pop goes the hamster......and other great microwave games. What

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.