before

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

Question : Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms. America : Well, I can

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother.""Daddy

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells,

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.The

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach

Worldââ,¬â"¢s thinnest books 20. BEAUTY

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

What''s that over there? Not a bull, but a person

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

Q: What's the difference between a dead lawer in

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

A seismologist, a meteorologist, and a fireman

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

An infamous killer is on death row. He is allowed

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed,

1. "You get this round and the next round is on

A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said,

What a woman says, what she really means... I

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your

A few days before his proctological exam, a one

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

A kid came home from school and asked his dad,

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

A guy walks into a bar and says, "I think I've

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

Hearts and roses and kisses galore... What the

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

You know you're in trouble when... 1. The McDonald's

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor

A husband comes home early from work and catches

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

Cinderella was having her period and couldn't go

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem

Bush was speaking at a High School, he was asked

What did the lima bean say before it went into

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

Juan Valdez names his mule after you. You chew

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

A question had appeared in a student's medical

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He

There once was this guy who was going on a date

A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom,

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

A bunch of guys are sitting at the local bar. They

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they''re on

What's the difference between basketball and sex?

A man was unemployed and bored, so he decided to

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells

There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic

A man with an average handicap decides to play

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

What did the skeleton say before it ate? "Bone-appetit."

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit.

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't

As usual, things were not going well at the United

There was an older man who'd married a younger

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack.

I'll get a world record for this. Let me reach

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

One day a government worker was digging through

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone

Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

There was a guy on a golf course that he had never

There was a long line of souls before the gate

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

There was this guy who always went out drinking

What does a redneck say before he gets injured?

I've fucked in the sun, I've fucked in the rain.

A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner

You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs,

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk

The preacher was very distraught after the death

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's

Once there was a church that had a bell that no

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

What did OJ say to Nicole just before he killed

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad

Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth

Ole was on his death bed. But before he died,

A guy walks into a bar and he orders a whiskey.

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute.

A couple went to church every week, but every

10. SHE'S A GOBLIN! 9. I'D LIKE TO GET A LITTLE

This guy with a really small head walks into a

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

One day there were four people absent from class.

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for

Three guys were captured in Iraq as American spies

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

A women is getting married for her fourth time

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

How do you tell if your boyfriend has a high sperm

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

There was a woman who was interested in getting

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death

Once a man walked into a bar and sat down at a

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

One day a little girl came running into her house

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Taoism: Shit happens. Confucianism: Confucious

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

Lincoln and JFK started politics 100 years apart.

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

What's the last thing a redneck says before he

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

A drunk guy is telling a bartender how much he

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be

Superman was flying around the city and was super

10. She's a goblin! 9. I'd like to get a

There were two blondes as roommates and they both

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

Why did God create man before woman? He

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken

A nun was telling some other nuns about how she

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how

These three guys got together one day and were

Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting

Three women were sitting around talking about their

Did you hear about that big fire at the local gay

Children were called upon in a classroom to make

Have you heard about the new mint flavored birth

Mr. Maxwell, the Founder/President of Maxwell House

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when

This is actually a true story that happened to

A fat dude goes to his doctors, because he needed

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

Two friends, Bob and John were discussing sex before

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first one

Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?

What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and

A car decided not to stop for a stop sign but

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and

Two brooms were going to get married, before the

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

There was a man once that was always talking about

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up.

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

Two blondes are walking down the street when one

This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain

Yo' mama so fat, mountain climbers climb the Himalayas

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

To my darling wife: During the past year,

Your mama is so fat, her stomach arrives home 30

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having

You're so fat, mountain climbers climb the Himalayas

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

Did you hear about the lady at Wal-Mart that was

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have

Squawks are problems left behind by airplane pilots

Your house is so dirty, I had to wipe my feet before

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

You might be a redneck if you like to brag you

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A:

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

    A guy sticks his head into a

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

20) "That's weird..." 19) "It's

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

A mortician was working late one night. It was

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

   As you grow older, what lost

An old man from a far off land was once on the

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. "What

    A woman walks into her accountant's

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

The following letters were taken from an actual

    A few months ago, there was

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Two young guys were picked up

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

1) You define summer as three months of bad

    Marol spent her wedding night

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

    Stupid people should have to

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining

An executive was in a bind. He had to get rid

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

A man and a woman who have never met before find

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Two church members were going door to door, and

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up

    Two explorers are flying over

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

It is near the end of the school year.  The

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found

    'Twas the night before Christmas

An FM station has a competition where they ring

1. In the company of females, intercourse

    The following information was

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. "I'm

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

Our Rights: The following was written by State

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before

Dear __________________________,    

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes,

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.... and off they whirled to the land

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this computer virus. It

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long 15. If I Can't Be

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted

A friend of mine has a big Labrador retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"... 1. "I'm gonna pump

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

Rejected Titles Before Settling on BrokeBack Mountain: HIGH NOONER JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON TRUE,

FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long. One who

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

A 57-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

She married and had 11 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again,

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

Female Prayer: Before I lay me down to sleep , I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says.

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

1. Put bi-focals on . double check that you're with the right partner. 2. Set alarm on your clock

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin,

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

World's thinnest Books available at a bookstore near you. FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. She

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

It's even hotter than usual in Phoenix, 116 degrees sets a new record, the Associated Press reports: About

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub, a week before Xmas, enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard,

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a

A blonde was listening to Two men at a party talking about the recent space program. not wanting to

A reporter was doing a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

At the Urinal, An accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden death. "We will all die

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered,

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes,

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off;

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells