being

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:WOMAN: What would you do if I

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:Dear Wife (that's

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

Three vampires were on a tree, each bragging about being the best vampire of the three. All of the sudden,

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

A blond died her hair brown because she was tired

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

Why is being in the military like getting a blow

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1.

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

1) Compassionativity is not a word. 2) Social

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

10) You have to explain to most foreigners that

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club,

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"

Q: Why are people so scared about the current administration? A:

Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

Don't Say This to Your New Girlfriend's Parents... 1.

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly

Possible Courses: ESSENTIALS OF BONG DESIGN: Discover

1. Two World Wars and one World Cup 2. Proper

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

There once was this group of strange beings called

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Bob just moved from New York City to Alabama. He

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

A drunk man stumbled into a church where there

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness

Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? Far

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

A woman was being raped by an escaped mental patient.

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

There was this guy who always went out drinking

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

How many perverts does it take to put in a light

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to

A woman went to the doctor's and complained of

Q: What did the apple say to the orange? A: I

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A couple went to church every week, but every

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby,

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air

Three hang-glider pilots, one Irish, one Australian,

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

One day a medical professor and his class were

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

A math teacher and his wife were both 54 years

Why do blondes smile when lightening flashes?

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) “If you love

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume

A man from another country came to the U.S. and

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers

Yo mama's so smelly, when you were being delivered,

What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? Both

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

How did we know that Monica would testify? Because

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN'T WE JUST

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

    A woman walks into her accountant's

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

    Psychologists have discovered

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

    One day a hunter was walking

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

An FM station has a competition where they ring

10. The quicker picker upper! 9. One a day,

Our Rights: The following was written by State

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

God created the mule, and told him, "You

The wedding date was set and the groom's three

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

A girl from New York and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more

Willie Nelson's public statement regarding being caught with a bag of marijuana recently: "It's

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

Last summer John met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers.

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

A girl from Louisiana and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK....You spend most of your

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the

At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a statue." "That

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-coloured

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot:

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and

Programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can't find a girlfriend with a good on her , reason