between

Joke
Fun
Comedy
Quote



Jokes

Jokes about credit crunch 2008

- How do you define optimism? - A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday. - What is the diffrence

Lesbian Patient

A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your

American vs Asian

An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down

Toothpaste

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick

Everything is big in Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Mother's in Town

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

Bra

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter

Egg

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

Mexican Border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

Traffic

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

Elevator

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

Winter Vacation

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy

Ask too many times

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Geography of a woman and man

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side.

Free Sex

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

Irish Pub Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

Share and Share Alike

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

Alien Abduction

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner

Italian Mother

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

Irish Wakings

What's the difference between an Irish wedding

Zoltrog Jokes

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

Bad Skin

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and

Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

Love and Herpes?

Q: What's the difference between love and herpes? A:

Motivational Quotes for Cannibals

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

Button Smashers

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

Elmo's Redesign

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

Need for Speed?

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

Hard Drive

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a

Riding in Cars With Boys

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching

Jumper

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and

Glories of old age

Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman

Jane's Addiction

Q: What's the diffrence between a hooker and a

Don't play with your food

Q: What's the difference between a zombie baby

Inside out

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and

What do you call an elephant...

Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings? A:

Lawyers and Blondes, oh my!

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on

Cereal Killer

Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and

What's the difference between a dead lawer ...

Q: What's the difference between a dead lawer in

Titillating

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

Pilot and Co-Pilot

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control

Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

What's the difference between a blonde...

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and

What's the difference between Jesus and...

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker...

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

The only difference between your face and a ...

The only difference between your face and a bag

Whats the difference between Saddam's palaces ...

What's the difference between one of Saddam's palaces

Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein ...

Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein and

What's the difference between a sports car and ...

What's the difference between a sports car and

How many lawyers does it take to change a...

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Q. Whats the difference between George W. ...

Q. What''s the difference between George W. Bush

Connection Between Star Trek and TP

Q: What''s the connection between The Star Trek

Celebrity Sandwiches

Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce

The Geography of Men and Women

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

The Great Saddam and Bush Debate

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

Canadian Gum

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

G-spot vs. a Golfball

What is the differnce between a golf ball and a

Hit and run

What would be the difference between a dead rabbit

Hans Across Iraq

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Arkansas Scholars

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

Holiday Eating Tips - For The Sane

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

Into the Dust Bin Laden of History

What's the difference between Osama bin Laden and

Bottom 50 Celebrity Sandwiches

The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted

Top Ten Woman Bashing Lines

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

Bin Laden vs Aladdin

What's the difference between bin Laden and Aladdin?

In-law vs Outlaw

What's the difference between an in-law and an

Wallet and Genitals

What's the space between a man's wallet and his

Liberal Jokes

Question - What is the difference between a liberal

Ska band vs. Moose

What's the difference between a ska band and a

Urethra vs. Garden Hose

Q: What's the difference between a urethra and

N'SYNC vs. Bucket

What's the difference between an N'SYNC song and

Backstreet Boys vs. Possums

What's the difference between a dead possum in

Celtic Mortality

What is the difference between an Irish wedding

Priest vs. Homosexual

What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual? The

F. Lee Bailey Love

What's the difference between F.Lee Bailey and

Sealy Posturepedic

What's the difference between a blonde and a hole

Elton John vs. Tarzan

Q. What's the difference between Elton John and

Woman Bashing

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Work Blows

What's the difference between a wife and a job?

30 Ways To Have Fun in a Hospital

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

Retired Marine

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

Sailors and Soldiers Should Be Friends!

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

Fun With Actors

How can you tell a plane is filled with actors? When

Grosser Than Gross... Cottage Cheese

What's grosser than gross? When you are dreaming

Pregnant Woman vs. Lightbulb

What's the difference between a pregnant woman

What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna?

What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna? Jesus

What's the difference between pink and purple?

What's the difference between pink and purple?????

India and Bharat

Once a madman said, "Do you know there is a war

Yankee Fans' Commute

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

Dubya Quotes

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

Football Animals

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

Two fraternity brothers...

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one

Concorde Humor

What's the difference between Air France and British

Blonde, Brunette, Blonde

What do you call a brunette between two blondes?

Valentine's Day Surprise

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

Lightbulbs vs Pregnant Women

What's the difference between a pregnant woman

Obviously, She Never Flossed

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when

Ooooh vs. Ahhhh

What's the difference between, "Ooooh," and "Ahhhh?"

Lipstick Or...?

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

Young Hooker vs. Old Hooker

What's the difference between a young hooker and

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

Army Nurse

Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to

Mustard -- A Tragic Story

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick

Winter Lovers

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a

You Can't Teach An Old Cat

What's the difference between an old cat and a

Your Mother vs. A Hippo

What's the difference between your mother and a

Singled-Celled Lawyer

What's the difference between a lawyer and an amoeba?

Fatty McVirgin

What's the difference between a fat woman and a

Bowling Ball vs. Prostitute

What's the difference between a bowling ball and

Sexual Olympics

A man went over to his girl's place for a little

Prayer For The Winning

What's the difference between prayer in church

Dog vs. Fox

Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

Booger Wooger

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Old Man Troubles

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

Blonde vs. Bowling Ball

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a

Cold Hands

One weekend, a husband, and wife were up in the

The difference between boiling water and

What's the difference between boiling water and

Love & Basketball

What's the difference between basketball and sex?

Elephant Farts vs. Saloon

What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant

Thermometers

Q: What's the difference between a rectal and oral

Cow or Tractor

If a farmer was only able to choose between buying

Bubba Claus

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

Lawyer and Vulture

What''s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

Good Girl...Bad Girl

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD

North vs. South Fairy Tale Showdown

What's the difference between a Northern and a

Farmer Joe and his Mule

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

Pimply Priest

What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?

Boys & Girls

What is the difference between a boy and a girl? A

Government vs. Mafia

What's the difference between the government and

Gay Rodeo -vs- Straight

What's the difference between a gay rodeo and a

Lawyer vs. Hooker

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and

Bath vs. Church

Q: What is the difference between a woman kneeling

Dirty Boat

Q: What is the difference between a boat and a

Woman vs. Beer Bottle

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a

Nun vs. Woman

What's the difference between a nun on her knees

Bumpersticker Bonanza

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

Dentata

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing

Wife vs. Girlfriend

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

Brunette, Blonde, Brunette

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

Michael Jackson and McDonald's

What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?

Lawyer and the Skunk

What's the difference between a dead skunk lying

Leeches

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?

Porsche and Hedgehog

What's the difference between a Porsche and a hedgehog?

Blonde Brains

Q: What's the difference between a blonde's brain

The Ant and the Elephant

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

Man and Life Savers

Q: What's the difference between a man and a pack

Gaptooth

The gap between your teeth is so big, I don't know

Laptop

What's the difference between a blonde and Windows

Plate And Simple

What is the difference between a plate and a

Gary Glitter

Q: What's the difference between Gary Glitter and

Ways to Say "He's Dumb"

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

Sex and Dieting

What's the difference between a person trying to

Bagpipe

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an

Bucket of What?

What's the difference between a bucket of crap

Genealogist vs. Gynocologist

What's the difference between a genealogist and

Two Boots

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

Bird vs. Fly

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

Driving In The Fog

What's the difference between eating pussy and

2nd to 3rd

Why does it take longer to run from second base

Woman -vs- Computer Geek Joke

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a

Yo Mama's So Loose...

Yo' mama so loose, she opened up a swimming pool

Men With Hair in Their Teeth

What do you call a man with hair between his teeth?

Gay Man & Refrigerator

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

Bonus Time

What's the difference between a bonus and a penis?

Dogs and Dem Womenfolk

What's the difference between a dog barking on

Michael Jackson

What's the diffrence between Michael Jackson and

Sorority and Circus

What's the difference between a sorority and a

Regular Toad and Horny Toad

What's the difference between a regular toad and

Using Computers for a Gratuitous Screw Reference

The difference between computers and people?

Snack Food

What did the mother vampire say to her daughter

Men and Batteries

Q: What's the difference between men and batteries?

Lawyers and God

What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

Blondes vs. Corvettes

What's the difference between a blonde and a corvette?

Doctors vs. Lawyers

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

Women and PMS

Q: What is the difference between a woman with

Pay-Per-Blonde

What's the difference between a blonde and a payphone?

Peeping Tom vs. A Pickpocket

What's the difference between a pickpocket and

Beer Nuts vs. Deer Nuts

How can you tell the difference between Beer Nuts

American Beer and Canoeing

What's the similarity between American beer and

Fishing Line

There's a fine line between fishing and standing

In the Marines

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

Grizzly Bear Warning

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently

Nunsense

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her

I'll Give You An Appointment

A man asked his wife if it was, perhaps, time for

Clinton and Titanic

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and

Ally McBeal -vs- counterfeit $

What's the difference between Ally McBeal and a

Garbagehead

What is the difference between a brunette and garbage?

Geriatric Breasts

What do older women have between their breasts

Meg Ryan and the Panama Canal

What is the difference between Meg Ryan and the

Harleys and Hoovers

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson

Broom Factory

A blonde has been working in a broom factory since

Screw The World

What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and

A Good Bud is Hard to Find

What's the difference between men and beer?

Spot Between

What do you call the spot between a woman's vagina

Trampoline vs. Lawyer

What's the difference between a trampoline and

Mayo and Semen

What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?

Ice Hole

There was a competition between a team of blondes

Smellin' Wood

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.

Name That Flower

Q: What is the name of the flower you find between

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Broom!

What's the difference between a broom and a fifteen-year

That IS The Only Difference

What's the difference between light and hard? You

Sex Versus Golf

What's the difference between sex and golf?

Hooked On Crack

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug

Holiday Feast

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into

Scags Who Blew Bill

Q: What's the difference between Paula Jones and

How To Clean A Cat

1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required

What's The Difference, Yo?

What's the difference between a blonde and a construction

True Love

Q: What's the difference between like, love and

Waitress

What is the difference between a waitress and a

The Offspring

A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in

Waisted

What do you call the space between a woman's breasts

Women and Pool Tables

What is the difference between a woman a pool

5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a

Michael Jackson and Casper

What''s the difference between Michael Jackson

Cherry Pop

Three girls are sitting around, totally bored

Technically and Reality?

One day, a little boy asks his father what the

Mick Jagger and a Lonely Scotsman

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and the

Microwave and Prison

What's the difference between prison and a microwave?

Joke by a Latent Homosexual

What is the difference between Mad Cow Disease

Snowmen and Snowwomen

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Free Sex with Fill Up

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

Chicken and Women

Q: What's the similarity between women and Kentucky

Two Drunks

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

Perry Coma

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who

Yo Mama Laundromat

The only difference between your mama and a washing

Crackers

Q: What's the difference between Lesbians and Wheat

Positions

Three women were at the doctor's office for the

Monica and the Vending Machine

Q: What's the similarity between Monica Lewinsky

Horny Toad

What's the difference between a toad and a horny

Preparing for Your Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

Condom/Coffin

Q: What is the difference between a condom and

Animal Heaven

A cat and a chicken die but end up in the wrong

Lesbian vs. Ritz

What is the difference between a lesbian and a

Eye to Eye

What did the right eye say to the left eye? Just

Blonde Titanic

Q: Whats the difference between a blond and the

In-Laws and Out-Laws

What's the difference between out-laws, and in-laws?

Fly vs. Mosquito

What is the difference between a mosquito and a

Interblonde

What's the difference between a blonde and the

Top 10 Man-gina/She-nis Activities

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

Top 10 Reasons To Live in New Brunswick

1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and

Amish Leg Warmers

There's this Amish girl and she tells her mom that

Blonde vs Ironing Boards

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing

There's No People Like Snow People

How can you tell the difference between a snowman

Tire vs. Condoms

Q: What is the difference between a tire and 365

Perfect Penis

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in

Pickpockets and Gynecologists

What is the difference between a pickpocket and

Jewelers v. Jailers

What is the difference between a jeweler and a

The Tasteful Blind Man

A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange

Culture Shock

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and

Lawyers and Lightbulbs, Case #3

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

Mrs. James Black Cloth

One day, Mrs. James was taking a shower, when suddenly

BMW & a Porcupine

What is the difference between a BMW & a porcupine?

David Beckham

What's the difference between David Beckham and

Roosters vs. Lawyers

What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

The Lyin' King

What's the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?

Disgracing the Family

There was this virgin that was going out on a date

747

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Wedding Night

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing

Blonde Ironing

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an

Fish and Dicks

Q. What's the similarity between penises and fish? A.

69 Things to do in Wal-Mart

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

Those Conceited Bastard Doctors

Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon

Joystick (Ya Get It?)

What is the difference between a joystick and a

Ford Cars -vs- Golf Balls

What's the difference between a Ford and a golf

Bee Sting

A lady ran into the lobby at a golf course. ''I've

Princess Di and Thomas

Q: What's the difference between Princess Di and

Why Women Don't Need Driver's Licenses

Why don't women need driver's licenses? Because

Porcupine vs Ferrarri

What's the difference between a porcupine and a

Man and Pig?

Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?

Redneck Birth Control... Cherrybomb

A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any

Blondehole

What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole?

Take My Wife, Please

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

On The Side

Two golfers meet on the same golf course, on the

The Difference Between Like and Love

Q. What is the diference between like and love?

The Middle Man

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the

Yo! Snap!

What's the difference between you and a prostitute?

Cell Phones and Tampons

Q: What's the difference between cell phones and

Vending Machine and Blonde

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and

A Small Problem

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are

Old Couple

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

Sorortiy sister, nympho & hooker

What's the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac,

Baywatch

What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's

Old Lady's Breasts

Q: What has an old lady got between her breasts

O.J. and Pee Wee

What's the difference between O.J Simpson and Pee

Wife vs. Paycheck

What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck?

One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond...

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

Medical Economics

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

The Farmer and the Prostitute

What's the difference between an epileptic farmer

The Ages of Man

Between 16 and 26: Tri-weekly Between 27 and

What Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

Proctologists and Bartenders

What's the difference between a proctologist and

Mashed Potatoes

What is the difference between mashed potatoes

Difference

The only difference between ass kissing and brown

Germans Love Limbaugh

What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and

Male Voltage

What's the difference between men and batteries?

Calf's Tail vs Tie

What is the difference between a calf's tail and

Golfing and Skydiving Mishaps

Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

Terrorist Bloodshed

How can you tell the difference between a woman

Microwave This Meat, Toots

What's the difference between a microwave and a

Dirtbag

Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson

Ahhh...

What's the difference between oooh and ahhhh?

Two Jobs

Q: What''s the difference between a gynecologist

Women vs. Dog Poop

What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?

Snakes and Bushes

A young boy walks in on his mother in the bathtub.

Tootsie Roll Pop

What's the similarity between a tootsie roll pop

Genealogy

What is the difference between a genealogist and

Harley-Hoover

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

Blondes and Caves

What's the difference between a blonde's vagina

Cockadoodledoo

What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?

Bamming in 'Bama

What do you call the moisture between two people

Say Cheese

What's the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles.

Blondes and Bricks

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick

Pea Soup vs. Roast Beef

Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast

Bigfoot and Blonde

What's the difference between a smart blonde and

Hobo vs. Homo

What's the difference between a hobo and a homo?

Sex vs. Computers

What is the difference between sex and computers?

Porcupine vs. Bus

What's the difference between a porcupine and a

Greeting the Queen

What's the difference between greeting the Queen

The Poopie List

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

Yo Mama vs. Walrus

What's the difference between yo' mama and a walrus?

A Blonde and a Shower

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a

Atlantic Coast and a Blonde

What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast

Clint Eastwood

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and

Divorce and Circumcision

The difference between a divorce and a circumcision

Yo Mama vs. Titanic

Q: What's the difference between yo' mama and the

Top Ten Worst Pick-up Lines

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

English Football Joke

Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football

Deernuts and Beernuts

Whats the difference between deernuts and beernuts?

Confucius Say...

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

Blonde vs. a Ritz Cracker

What's the difference between a blonde and a Ritz

Parachute vs. Condom

What is the difference between a parachute and

Christmas Carol Parrot

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

Beer and Women

Q: What's the difference between a beer and a woman?

Yo mama's... sneakers

What's the difference between a new pair of sneakers

Baby Gates and Microsoft

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

Yo Mama & a Hooker

What is the difference between your mother and

Catfish and Lawyers

What's the difference between a catfish and a

Skunks and Lawyers

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the

Reagan and Clinton

What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and

Breast Enlargement Home Kit

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

Elvis vs. Al Gore

What's the difference between Al Gore and Elvis?

The Blonde and the Doll

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and

Blonde and Halogen

What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen

A Shitty Subject

What's the difference between a brown-noser and

Yo Mama vs. a Winding Road

What is the difference between yo' mama and a winding

Hotels

What's the difference between a hotel and a fanny?

Hormonally Yours

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

Rubics Cube

What's the similarity between a Rubics Cube and

Jacko Christmas

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and

Nerds vs. Blonde Co-Eds

What's the difference between nerdy and blonde

Bumper Stickers II

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Drivers Education Exam Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

Yo Mama & a Chicken

What's the difference between yo mama and a chicken?

Wife vs. Job

Q: What's the difference between your wife and

Give Me A Break

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a

Lawyer vs. Snake

A snake and a lawyer both got hit by a car. What's

Leprechaun

What's the difference between a leprechaun and

Blonde's Legs

What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other

Think About It

What is the difference between a girl in a church

Golf Balls and G-Spots

What's the difference between a girl's G-spot and

Blondes vs. Mosquitos

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

Northern vs. Southern Girls

What's the difference between a northern and a

Fly In My Guinness

    An Irishman, an Englishman and

What's The Difference?

What's the difference between a woman and dog at

Female Lawyer vs. Pitbull

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer

Washington, Nixon, & Clinton

Q: What is the difference between George Washington,

Clinton & A Screwdriver

Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A:

Watergate vs. Zippergate

Q: What's the difference between Watergate and

Clinton 'n' Buddy

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and

Monica & The Rest Of Us

Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky

Sin and Shame

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame? A.

Goodyear Rubber

Q. What's the difference between a tire and 365

Yo Mama's so fat... blue whale

The difference between yo mama and a blue whale?

Husband vs. Boyfriend vs. Wife vs. Girlfriend

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?About

Screwdrivin' Clinton

What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?

Lawyers vs. Vampires

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A

What's the difference between a...

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a

Pick-Up Lines That Might Get You Killed

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust

Sh#!

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

Morning at the White House

    White House staffers were perplexed

Mexican Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

TV's New Fall Season

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

Mechanical vs. Chemical

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers

Nickel-Diming Johnny

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

Handy Worplace Phrases

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

IQ Test

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

Clinton -vs- Titanic

Similarities between the Titanic video and the

Potential & Reality

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.

Strict Sex Schedule

A young couple were married and they were having

Tickle These, Elmo

A women desperately looking for work goes into

Hotel Letters

The following letters were taken from an actual

A Redneck Can Tell the Difference...

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

Cats' facial expressions. The need for the same

Policeman

    What to not say to the nice

The 45 Difference

Q:  What's the difference between a girlfriend

Free Sex Contestants

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

Out Of College

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

Warming the Skunk

One day, Ole and Lena were out driving around the

Throwing Stuff Down A Mineshaft

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

Survival of the Fittest Brain Cells

    A herd of buffalo can only move

More Stupid Quotes

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

The Christmas Parrot

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas

Confused Child in Wedding Party

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

Wal-Mart vs. Heaven

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers.Ã, 

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Random Acts of Stupidity Roundup

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum

Closest Shave Ever

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the

Flies In The Beer

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a

Geriatric Halloween

There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween

Perfect Relationship

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

A setback in Iraqi-American relations

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

From Cradle to Ladle

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

Erin Go Bra Shopping

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,

Slogans for National Condom Week

1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before

Sixth Sense

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going

Thoughts for the Day

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

Facts of Life

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

The Barber Shop

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

Farmer Joe's Favorite Mule

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

Modern Proverbs

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

A Day at the Races

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

The Wall

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall

Pole Installers

There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers,

Trip to the Zoo

A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster

Kittens

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

Irish Transportation

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod

Twenty Nine Lines To Make You Smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Women

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

Guts and Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

Outsource the President?

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

The Dying Priest

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

Slide Down the Banister

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

Pick Up Lines, Part 2

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

Female Evolution (from Man's perspective)

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her

Halloween

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The

Your Abbreviated Guide to Proper YankeeTalk

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

Classic Questions About Australia

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

Bear Alert

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish

Washington Post

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

Taxiway

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny

Take Care of the Big Rocks First

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

Marital Definitions

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

Everything Is Big In Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

Tall Trees

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees,

Dear John

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

Trailer Park Rules

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Anaconda Attacks

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government

Actual Writings on Hospital Charts

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

Computer Quotes

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

The Way Children See Things!

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Life's Insights

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

Things That Took Me Fifty Years To Learn!!

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

A Dog's Life

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

A Trim and A Shave

While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has

The Tree

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

Healthy Proverbs

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

A True Golfer

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

Some Bumper Stickers

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

Late Blonde

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

How to clean your toilet the fun way!

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.

The Geography of Women

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

Bad Translations From Places Afar

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Oxymoronic Statements

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

The Lawn

A guy is trying to relax at home, but his wife keeps nagging him to mow the lawn. Finally, in between

Things you would love to say out loud at work....

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

The Fan

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

Considerations

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

Why Men Are Men and Women Are Women ...

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in

No Soap?

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

I Love Mustard

(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.

Chewing Gum

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,

Top 25 things on Martha Stewart's to-do list

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

More Things to Think About

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Tech Support

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:

Glass Eye

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

Things That It Took Me Over 30 Years To Learn

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

Answers Given By Children

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

Washington Post's Style Invitational

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

Updated Employee Handbook

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

Test Tickle

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

You Know You're in California When...

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

Potentially VS. Reality

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

Something to Offend Everyone, Part II

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

Something to Offend Everyone, Part I

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

30 Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone Is Stupid

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

Crotchless Panties

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

French Mustard

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company

Type of Bras

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter

Five Dollars

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

Sperm Count

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

God's Diet Plan

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

War Wound

A guy goes into a public washroom and has to use the only available urinal, between two elderly men.

Close Shave

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

Dying Preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members),

Switched Inputs

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

6 Foot Cockroach

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

Stung While Golfing

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path

Christmas Parrot

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

Don't Believe in Hell?

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour

Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

The Toastmaster Club

A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting

Marriage One Liners

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

Mexican Bandit

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

Useful Work Phrases

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

Snatch Eating Frogs

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

Radio Conversation

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities

Confession

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

Interviewing a General

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read

Juan the Smuggle

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

Nail, a Screw and a Bolt

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

Pastor and the Housekeeper

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

Difference of the Sexes

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

Boyfriends Names

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide

Work Disability

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

The Farmer's Declaration

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

Identical Twins

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for

Bill & Moe

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer

Wedding Riot

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the

Old Man

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,