Jokes
Jokes about credit crunch 2008
- How do you define optimism? - A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday. - What is the diffrence
Lesbian Patient
A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your
American vs Asian
An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down
Toothpaste
A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick
Everything is big in Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats
Mother's in Town
A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and
Farmer Joe
Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's
Bra
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter
Egg
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen
Mexican Border
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard
Traffic
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of
Elevator
After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were
Winter Vacation
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy
Ask too many times
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they
Geography of a woman and man
Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side.
Free Sex
Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed
Irish Pub Sausage
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't
Share and Share Alike
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.
Alien Abduction
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner
Italian Mother
Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony
Irish Wakings
What's the difference between an Irish wedding
Zoltrog Jokes
1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap
Bad Skin
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and
Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers
Love and Herpes?
Q: What's the difference between love and herpes? A:
Motivational Quotes for Cannibals
"If we don't change the direction we're going,
Button Smashers
Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet
Elmo's Redesign
A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.
Need for Speed?
A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo
Hard Drive
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a
Riding in Cars With Boys
Three boys were sitting on some steps watching
Jumper
Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and
Glories of old age
Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman
Jane's Addiction
Q: What's the diffrence between a hooker and a
Don't play with your food
Q: What's the difference between a zombie baby
Inside out
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and
What do you call an elephant...
Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings? A:
Lawyers and Blondes, oh my!
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on
Cereal Killer
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and
What's the difference between a dead lawer ...
Q: What's the difference between a dead lawer in
Titillating
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front
Pilot and Co-Pilot
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control
Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all
What's the difference between a blonde...
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
What's the difference between Jesus and...
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture
A trucker picks up a hitchhiker...
A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in
The only difference between your face and a ...
The only difference between your face and a bag
Whats the difference between Saddam's palaces ...
What's the difference between one of Saddam's palaces
Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein ...
Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein and
What's the difference between a sports car and ...
What's the difference between a sports car and
How many lawyers does it take to change a...
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such
Q. Whats the difference between George W. ...
Q. What''s the difference between George W. Bush
Connection Between Star Trek and TP
Q: What''s the connection between The Star Trek
Celebrity Sandwiches
Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce
The Geography of Men and Women
The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of
The Great Saddam and Bush Debate
Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam
Canadian Gum
A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants
G-spot vs. a Golfball
What is the differnce between a golf ball and a
Hit and run
What would be the difference between a dead rabbit
Hans Across Iraq
Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good
Arkansas Scholars
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,
Holiday Eating Tips - For The Sane
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its
Into the Dust Bin Laden of History
What's the difference between Osama bin Laden and
Bottom 50 Celebrity Sandwiches
The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted
Top Ten Woman Bashing Lines
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Bin Laden vs Aladdin
What's the difference between bin Laden and Aladdin?
In-law vs Outlaw
What's the difference between an in-law and an
Wallet and Genitals
What's the space between a man's wallet and his
Liberal Jokes
Question - What is the difference between a liberal
Ska band vs. Moose
What's the difference between a ska band and a
Urethra vs. Garden Hose
Q: What's the difference between a urethra and
N'SYNC vs. Bucket
What's the difference between an N'SYNC song and
Backstreet Boys vs. Possums
What's the difference between a dead possum in
Celtic Mortality
What is the difference between an Irish wedding
Priest vs. Homosexual
What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual? The
F. Lee Bailey Love
What's the difference between F.Lee Bailey and
Sealy Posturepedic
What's the difference between a blonde and a hole
Elton John vs. Tarzan
Q. What's the difference between Elton John and
Woman Bashing
Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.
Work Blows
What's the difference between a wife and a job?
30 Ways To Have Fun in a Hospital
1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.
Retired Marine
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.
Sailors and Soldiers Should Be Friends!
A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite
Fun With Actors
How can you tell a plane is filled with actors? When
Grosser Than Gross... Cottage Cheese
What's grosser than gross? When you are dreaming
Pregnant Woman vs. Lightbulb
What's the difference between a pregnant woman
What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna?
What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna? Jesus
What's the difference between pink and purple?
What's the difference between pink and purple?????
India and Bharat
Once a madman said, "Do you know there is a war
Yankee Fans' Commute
Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to
Dubya Quotes
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George
Football Animals
During the Super Bowl, there was another football
Two fraternity brothers...
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one
Concorde Humor
What's the difference between Air France and British
Blonde, Brunette, Blonde
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
Valentine's Day Surprise
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's
Lightbulbs vs Pregnant Women
What's the difference between a pregnant woman
Obviously, She Never Flossed
A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when
Ooooh vs. Ahhhh
What's the difference between, "Ooooh," and "Ahhhh?"
Lipstick Or...?
Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got
Young Hooker vs. Old Hooker
What's the difference between a young hooker and
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby
Army Nurse
Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to
Mustard -- A Tragic Story
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick
Winter Lovers
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a
You Can't Teach An Old Cat
What's the difference between an old cat and a
Your Mother vs. A Hippo
What's the difference between your mother and a
Singled-Celled Lawyer
What's the difference between a lawyer and an amoeba?
Fatty McVirgin
What's the difference between a fat woman and a
Bowling Ball vs. Prostitute
What's the difference between a bowling ball and
Sexual Olympics
A man went over to his girl's place for a little
Prayer For The Winning
What's the difference between prayer in church
Dog vs. Fox
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
Booger Wooger
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Old Man Troubles
An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,
Blonde vs. Bowling Ball
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
Cold Hands
One weekend, a husband, and wife were up in the
The difference between boiling water and
What's the difference between boiling water and
Love & Basketball
What's the difference between basketball and sex?
Elephant Farts vs. Saloon
What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant
Thermometers
Q: What's the difference between a rectal and oral
Cow or Tractor
If a farmer was only able to choose between buying
Bubba Claus
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
Lawyer and Vulture
What''s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Good Girl...Bad Girl
What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD
North vs. South Fairy Tale Showdown
What's the difference between a Northern and a
Farmer Joe and his Mule
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent
Pimply Priest
What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?
Boys & Girls
What is the difference between a boy and a girl? A
Government vs. Mafia
What's the difference between the government and
Gay Rodeo -vs- Straight
What's the difference between a gay rodeo and a
Lawyer vs. Hooker
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and
Bath vs. Church
Q: What is the difference between a woman kneeling
Dirty Boat
Q: What is the difference between a boat and a
Woman vs. Beer Bottle
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a
Nun vs. Woman
What's the difference between a nun on her knees
Bumpersticker Bonanza
* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell
Dentata
A young boy caught sight of his mother changing
Wife vs. Girlfriend
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
Brunette, Blonde, Brunette
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
Michael Jackson and McDonald's
What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?
Lawyer and the Skunk
What's the difference between a dead skunk lying
Leeches
What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
Porsche and Hedgehog
What's the difference between a Porsche and a hedgehog?
Blonde Brains
Q: What's the difference between a blonde's brain
The Ant and the Elephant
An elephant was walking through the jungle one
Man and Life Savers
Q: What's the difference between a man and a pack
Gaptooth
The gap between your teeth is so big, I don't know
Laptop
What's the difference between a blonde and Windows
Plate And Simple
What is the difference between a plate and a
Gary Glitter
Q: What's the difference between Gary Glitter and
Ways to Say "He's Dumb"
1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The
Sex and Dieting
What's the difference between a person trying to
Bagpipe
What's the difference between a bagpipe and an
Bucket of What?
What's the difference between a bucket of crap
Genealogist vs. Gynocologist
What's the difference between a genealogist and
Two Boots
A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.
Bird vs. Fly
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
Driving In The Fog
What's the difference between eating pussy and
2nd to 3rd
Why does it take longer to run from second base
Woman -vs- Computer Geek Joke
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a
Yo Mama's So Loose...
Yo' mama so loose, she opened up a swimming pool
Men With Hair in Their Teeth
What do you call a man with hair between his teeth?
Gay Man & Refrigerator
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
Bonus Time
What's the difference between a bonus and a penis?
Dogs and Dem Womenfolk
What's the difference between a dog barking on
Michael Jackson
What's the diffrence between Michael Jackson and
Sorority and Circus
What's the difference between a sorority and a
Regular Toad and Horny Toad
What's the difference between a regular toad and
Using Computers for a Gratuitous Screw Reference
The difference between computers and people?
Snack Food
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter
Men and Batteries
Q: What's the difference between men and batteries?
Lawyers and God
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
Blondes vs. Corvettes
What's the difference between a blonde and a corvette?
Doctors vs. Lawyers
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.
Women and PMS
Q: What is the difference between a woman with
Pay-Per-Blonde
What's the difference between a blonde and a payphone?
Peeping Tom vs. A Pickpocket
What's the difference between a pickpocket and
Beer Nuts vs. Deer Nuts
How can you tell the difference between Beer Nuts
American Beer and Canoeing
What's the similarity between American beer and
Fishing Line
There's a fine line between fishing and standing
In the Marines
It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in
Grizzly Bear Warning
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently
Nunsense
A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her
I'll Give You An Appointment
A man asked his wife if it was, perhaps, time for
Clinton and Titanic
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
Ally McBeal -vs- counterfeit $
What's the difference between Ally McBeal and a
Garbagehead
What is the difference between a brunette and garbage?
Geriatric Breasts
What do older women have between their breasts
Meg Ryan and the Panama Canal
What is the difference between Meg Ryan and the
Harleys and Hoovers
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson
Broom Factory
A blonde has been working in a broom factory since
Screw The World
What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and
A Good Bud is Hard to Find
What's the difference between men and beer?
Spot Between
What do you call the spot between a woman's vagina
Trampoline vs. Lawyer
What's the difference between a trampoline and
Mayo and Semen
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Ice Hole
There was a competition between a team of blondes
Smellin' Wood
Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.
Name That Flower
Q: What is the name of the flower you find between
Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Broom!
What's the difference between a broom and a fifteen-year
That IS The Only Difference
What's the difference between light and hard? You
Sex Versus Golf
What's the difference between sex and golf?
Hooked On Crack
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug
Holiday Feast
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into
Scags Who Blew Bill
Q: What's the difference between Paula Jones and
How To Clean A Cat
1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required
What's The Difference, Yo?
What's the difference between a blonde and a construction
True Love
Q: What's the difference between like, love and
Waitress
What is the difference between a waitress and a
The Offspring
A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in
Waisted
What do you call the space between a woman's breasts
Women and Pool Tables
What is the difference between a woman a pool
5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a
Michael Jackson and Casper
What''s the difference between Michael Jackson
Cherry Pop
Three girls are sitting around, totally bored
Technically and Reality?
One day, a little boy asks his father what the
Mick Jagger and a Lonely Scotsman
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and the
Microwave and Prison
What's the difference between prison and a microwave?
Joke by a Latent Homosexual
What is the difference between Mad Cow Disease
Snowmen and Snowwomen
What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Free Sex with Fill Up
Two good ol' boys were driving down the road
Chicken and Women
Q: What's the similarity between women and Kentucky
Two Drunks
One night two drunks were wandering the town trying
Perry Coma
When the nurse was bathing a female patient who
Yo Mama Laundromat
The only difference between your mama and a washing
Crackers
Q: What's the difference between Lesbians and Wheat
Positions
Three women were at the doctor's office for the
Monica and the Vending Machine
Q: What's the similarity between Monica Lewinsky
Horny Toad
What's the difference between a toad and a horny
Preparing for Your Mammogram
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,
Condom/Coffin
Q: What is the difference between a condom and
Animal Heaven
A cat and a chicken die but end up in the wrong
Lesbian vs. Ritz
What is the difference between a lesbian and a
Eye to Eye
What did the right eye say to the left eye? Just
Blonde Titanic
Q: Whats the difference between a blond and the
In-Laws and Out-Laws
What's the difference between out-laws, and in-laws?
Fly vs. Mosquito
What is the difference between a mosquito and a
Interblonde
What's the difference between a blonde and the
Top 10 Man-gina/She-nis Activities
Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.
Top 10 Reasons To Live in New Brunswick
1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and
Amish Leg Warmers
There's this Amish girl and she tells her mom that
Blonde vs Ironing Boards
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing
There's No People Like Snow People
How can you tell the difference between a snowman
Tire vs. Condoms
Q: What is the difference between a tire and 365
Perfect Penis
Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in
Pickpockets and Gynecologists
What is the difference between a pickpocket and
Jewelers v. Jailers
What is the difference between a jeweler and a
The Tasteful Blind Man
A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange
Culture Shock
Two immigrants arrive in the United States and
Lawyers and Lightbulbs, Case #3
How many lawyers does it take to change a light
Mrs. James Black Cloth
One day, Mrs. James was taking a shower, when suddenly
BMW & a Porcupine
What is the difference between a BMW & a porcupine?
David Beckham
What's the difference between David Beckham and
Roosters vs. Lawyers
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
The Lyin' King
What's the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?
Disgracing the Family
There was this virgin that was going out on a date
747
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Wedding Night
A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing
Blonde Ironing
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an
Fish and Dicks
Q. What's the similarity between penises and fish? A.
69 Things to do in Wal-Mart
* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of
Those Conceited Bastard Doctors
Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon
Joystick (Ya Get It?)
What is the difference between a joystick and a
Ford Cars -vs- Golf Balls
What's the difference between a Ford and a golf
Bee Sting
A lady ran into the lobby at a golf course. ''I've
Princess Di and Thomas
Q: What's the difference between Princess Di and
Why Women Don't Need Driver's Licenses
Why don't women need driver's licenses? Because
Porcupine vs Ferrarri
What's the difference between a porcupine and a
Man and Pig?
Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?
Redneck Birth Control... Cherrybomb
A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any
Blondehole
What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole?
Take My Wife, Please
* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's
On The Side
Two golfers meet on the same golf course, on the
The Difference Between Like and Love
Q. What is the diference between like and love?
The Middle Man
A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the
Yo! Snap!
What's the difference between you and a prostitute?
Cell Phones and Tampons
Q: What's the difference between cell phones and
Vending Machine and Blonde
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
A Small Problem
A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are
Old Couple
One day an old man and his wife were sitting in
Sorortiy sister, nympho & hooker
What's the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac,
Baywatch
What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's
Old Lady's Breasts
Q: What has an old lady got between her breasts
O.J. and Pee Wee
What's the difference between O.J Simpson and Pee
Wife vs. Paycheck
What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck?
One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond...
Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,
Medical Economics
Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy
The Farmer and the Prostitute
What's the difference between an epileptic farmer
The Ages of Man
Between 16 and 26: Tri-weekly Between 27 and
What Not To Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my
Proctologists and Bartenders
What's the difference between a proctologist and
Mashed Potatoes
What is the difference between mashed potatoes
Difference
The only difference between ass kissing and brown
Germans Love Limbaugh
What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and
Male Voltage
What's the difference between men and batteries?
Calf's Tail vs Tie
What is the difference between a calf's tail and
Golfing and Skydiving Mishaps
Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
Terrorist Bloodshed
How can you tell the difference between a woman
Microwave This Meat, Toots
What's the difference between a microwave and a
Dirtbag
Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson
Ahhh...
What's the difference between oooh and ahhhh?
Two Jobs
Q: What''s the difference between a gynecologist
Women vs. Dog Poop
What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
Snakes and Bushes
A young boy walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
Tootsie Roll Pop
What's the similarity between a tootsie roll pop
Genealogy
What is the difference between a genealogist and
Harley-Hoover
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
Blondes and Caves
What's the difference between a blonde's vagina
Cockadoodledoo
What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
Bamming in 'Bama
What do you call the moisture between two people
Say Cheese
What's the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles.
Blondes and Bricks
What's the difference between a blonde and a brick
Pea Soup vs. Roast Beef
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast
Bigfoot and Blonde
What's the difference between a smart blonde and
Hobo vs. Homo
What's the difference between a hobo and a homo?
Sex vs. Computers
What is the difference between sex and computers?
Porcupine vs. Bus
What's the difference between a porcupine and a
Greeting the Queen
What's the difference between greeting the Queen
The Poopie List
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie
Yo Mama vs. Walrus
What's the difference between yo' mama and a walrus?
A Blonde and a Shower
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
Atlantic Coast and a Blonde
What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast
Clint Eastwood
What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and
Divorce and Circumcision
The difference between a divorce and a circumcision
Yo Mama vs. Titanic
Q: What's the difference between yo' mama and the
Top Ten Worst Pick-up Lines
10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again
English Football Joke
Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football
Deernuts and Beernuts
Whats the difference between deernuts and beernuts?
Confucius Say...
1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead
Blonde vs. a Ritz Cracker
What's the difference between a blonde and a Ritz
Parachute vs. Condom
What is the difference between a parachute and
Christmas Carol Parrot
A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday
Beer and Women
Q: What's the difference between a beer and a woman?
Yo mama's... sneakers
What's the difference between a new pair of sneakers
Baby Gates and Microsoft
For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something
Yo Mama & a Hooker
What is the difference between your mother and
Catfish and Lawyers
What's the difference between a catfish and a
Skunks and Lawyers
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the
Reagan and Clinton
What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and
Breast Enlargement Home Kit
There is this couple, and the wife is very self
Elvis vs. Al Gore
What's the difference between Al Gore and Elvis?
The Blonde and the Doll
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
Blonde and Halogen
What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen
A Shitty Subject
What's the difference between a brown-noser and
Yo Mama vs. a Winding Road
What is the difference between yo' mama and a winding
Hotels
What's the difference between a hotel and a fanny?
Hormonally Yours
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
Rubics Cube
What's the similarity between a Rubics Cube and
Jacko Christmas
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and
Nerds vs. Blonde Co-Eds
What's the difference between nerdy and blonde
Bumper Stickers II
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Drivers Education Exam Answers
The following are a sampling of REAL answers
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or
Yo Mama & a Chicken
What's the difference between yo mama and a chicken?
Wife vs. Job
Q: What's the difference between your wife and
Give Me A Break
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
Lawyer vs. Snake
A snake and a lawyer both got hit by a car. What's
Leprechaun
What's the difference between a leprechaun and
Blonde's Legs
What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other
Think About It
What is the difference between a girl in a church
Golf Balls and G-Spots
What's the difference between a girl's G-spot and
Blondes vs. Mosquitos
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Northern vs. Southern Girls
What's the difference between a northern and a
Fly In My Guinness
An Irishman, an Englishman and
What's The Difference?
What's the difference between a woman and dog at
Female Lawyer vs. Pitbull
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer
Washington, Nixon, & Clinton
Q: What is the difference between George Washington,
Clinton & A Screwdriver
Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A:
Watergate vs. Zippergate
Q: What's the difference between Watergate and
Clinton 'n' Buddy
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
Monica & The Rest Of Us
Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky
Sin and Shame
Q. What's the difference between sin and shame? A.
Goodyear Rubber
Q. What's the difference between a tire and 365
Yo Mama's so fat... blue whale
The difference between yo mama and a blue whale?
Husband vs. Boyfriend vs. Wife vs. Girlfriend
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?About
Screwdrivin' Clinton
What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
Lawyers vs. Vampires
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A
What's the difference between a...
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a
Pick-Up Lines That Might Get You Killed
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust
Sh#!
Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the
Morning at the White House
White House staffers were perplexed
Mexican Smuggler
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.
TV's New Fall Season
NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30
Mechanical vs. Chemical
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
Nickel-Diming Johnny
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to
Handy Worplace Phrases
Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use
IQ Test
Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of
Clinton -vs- Titanic
Similarities between the Titanic video and the
Potential & Reality
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.
Strict Sex Schedule
A young couple were married and they were having
Tickle These, Elmo
A women desperately looking for work goes into
Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual
A Redneck Can Tell the Difference...
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand
Cats' facial expressions. The need for the same
Policeman
What to not say to the nice
The 45 Difference
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend
Free Sex Contestants
Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up
Out Of College
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your
Warming the Skunk
One day, Ole and Lena were out driving around the
Throwing Stuff Down A Mineshaft
Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they
Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''
A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã,Â
Survival of the Fittest Brain Cells
A herd of buffalo can only move
More Stupid Quotes
On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: It's
The Christmas Parrot
A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas
Confused Child in Wedding Party
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he
Wal-Mart vs. Heaven
I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers.Ã,Â
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory
Random Acts of Stupidity Roundup
Curators at India's Baroda Museum
Closest Shave Ever
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the
Flies In The Beer
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a
Geriatric Halloween
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween
Perfect Relationship
A sixty-four-year-old man is
A setback in Iraqi-American relations
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad
From Cradle to Ladle
John invited his mother over for dinner. During
Erin Go Bra Shopping
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,
Slogans for National Condom Week
1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before
Sixth Sense
Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going
Thoughts for the Day
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare
Facts of Life
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for
The Barber Shop
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems
Farmer Joe's Favorite Mule
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,
Modern Proverbs
a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
A Day at the Races
One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had
The Wall
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall
Pole Installers
There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers,
Trip to the Zoo
A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster
Kittens
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the
Irish Transportation
The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod
Twenty Nine Lines To Make You Smile
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..
Women
Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot
Guts and Balls
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
Outsource the President?
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office
The Dying Priest
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's
Slide Down the Banister
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
Pick Up Lines, Part 2
your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running
Female Evolution (from Man's perspective)
What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her
Halloween
An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The
Your Abbreviated Guide to Proper YankeeTalk
If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this
Classic Questions About Australia
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
Bear Alert
In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish
Washington Post
The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
Taxiway
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
Light Bulb
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny
Take Care of the Big Rocks First
Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in
Marital Definitions
BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman
Everything Is Big In Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats
The True Origin of the Internet
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself
Tall Trees
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees,
Dear John
A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her
Trailer Park Rules
1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.
Anaconda Attacks
This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government
Actual Writings on Hospital Charts
1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient
Computer Quotes
"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory
The Way Children See Things!
NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
Life's Insights
1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.
Things That Took Me Fifty Years To Learn!!
1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If
A Dog's Life
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some
A Trim and A Shave
While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has
The Tree
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He
Farmer Joe
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
Healthy Proverbs
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for
A True Golfer
A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.
Some Bumper Stickers
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes
Late Blonde
"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was
How to clean your toilet the fun way!
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.
The Geography of Women
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,
Bad Translations From Places Afar
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you
Oxymoronic Statements
Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;
The Lawn
A guy is trying to relax at home, but his wife keeps nagging him to mow the lawn. Finally, in between
Things you would love to say out loud at work....
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your
The Fan
The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game
Considerations
1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers
Why Men Are Men and Women Are Women ...
Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in
No Soap?
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of
I Love Mustard
(This is supposedly a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father.
Chewing Gum
A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,
Top 25 things on Martha Stewart's to-do list
25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha
More Things to Think About
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening
Tech Support
Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:
Glass Eye
A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only
Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the
Things That It Took Me Over 30 Years To Learn
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If
Answers Given By Children
These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and
Washington Post's Style Invitational
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
Updated Employee Handbook
DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you
Test Tickle
A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume
You Know You're in California When...
Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't
The Ant and the Grasshopper
CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
Potentially VS. Reality
Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,
Something to Offend Everyone, Part II
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple
Something to Offend Everyone, Part I
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their
30 Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone Is Stupid
*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A
Crotchless Panties
A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's
French Mustard
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company
Type of Bras
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter
Five Dollars
Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a
Sperm Count
A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar
God's Diet Plan
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of
War Wound
A guy goes into a public washroom and has to use the only available urinal, between two elderly men.
Close Shave
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems
Dying Preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members),
Switched Inputs
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing
6 Foot Cockroach
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot
Stung While Golfing
A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path
Christmas Parrot
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for
Don't Believe in Hell?
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour
Redneck Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford
The Toastmaster Club
A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting
Marriage One Liners
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way
Mexican Bandit
The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A
Useful Work Phrases
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one
Snatch Eating Frogs
This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter
Radio Conversation
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities
Confession
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the
Interviewing a General
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read
Juan the Smuggle
*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags
Nail, a Screw and a Bolt
"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the
Pastor and the Housekeeper
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the
Difference of the Sexes
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to
Boyfriends Names
Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide
Work Disability
A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,
The Farmer's Declaration
A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next
Identical Twins
Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for
Bill & Moe
Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer
Wedding Riot
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the
Old Man
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's
The Elevator
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,