birthday

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother.""Daddy

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

Yo mama so big, everytime she turns around it's

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your

You know you''re having a bad day when your twin

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Next on Entertainment Tonight, celebrity birthdays:

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Juan Valdez names his mule after you. You chew

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

Two guys are playing golf. The first guy says,

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A

A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

What do you give an 80 yr-old grandma for her birthday?

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

    For all you guys out there who

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box. "It's my wife's

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31. Can you believe it? It seems

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

An 87 year old man is celebrating his birthday with all the members of his family at the Old Folks

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old

A lady went to the bar on a cruise ship, and ordered a Scotch, with two drops of water. The bartender

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely

Today is my daughters 18th birthday......I'm so glad that this I my last....damn child support payment.

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse