board

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight.

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)Qn: What animal falls down the

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel,

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

What''s that over there? Not a bull, but a person

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

Yo mama's had more pricks than a second-hand dartboard!

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife:

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

One day, on a notice board, a message was written:

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

Yo mama is so poor, I picked up a skateboard and

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

1) Inflatable dart board. 2) Glow-in-the-dark

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

Did you hear about the gay midget? He just

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

You might be a redneck if you use your ironing

A man's occupation is to stick his cockulation

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel

A boy was at a public pool. The lifeguard blew

We all know those cute symbols made with keyboard

One day a teacher went into her class room and

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

One day, a pod of whales was swimming along when

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven,

There once was a captain of a ship, and everyday

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to fetch

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

10) ''They told me at the blood bank this might

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling

A man was stranded on an island for two years,

1. Weed 2. Vancouver: 2 million people and

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and

Yo mama's so fat, when she tried boarding Noah's

There were once three boys in a classroom called

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

Once a man saw a board outside his friend's office

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

What was the only invention a blonde came up with

What is a man's idea of safe sex? A padded

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

What do a blonde and a hockey player have in common?

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

    On preparing to return home

    A businessman boards a flight

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

Run one lap around the office at top speed

A young female teacher was giving an assignment

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

10. The water-proof towel 9. Glow in the dark sunglasses 8. Solar powered flashlights 7. Submarine

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit. 9. She's been wearing an engagement ring

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving

Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

10. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket. 9. You spend

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

Leah phones her husband at work, "Izzy, do you have time for a chat?" "Sorry, darling, this is not

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, "What's that

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard,

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A first grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice: "What did you do at recess?" Alice

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are