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Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)Qn: What animal falls down the

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

Alien Haserection The Adventures of Prudo Snatch Bottlestar

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

A Redheaded mom walks into her daughter's room,

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy

There was this man walking on the beach and he

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

A guy came home one day after getting fired from

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

A question had appeared in a student's medical

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top

The manager of a megastore came to check on his

A man was walking down the beach when he found

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

All good Southerners already know these, but in

Our local drugstore was robbed of 500 bottles of

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon

A brunette is walking through the country, when

Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds.

There was a man named Benny who loved to take

A pharmacy in my home town was robbed yesterday,

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad

Three men were walking down a street and found

You're so poor I went to your house and asked

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

One day a man was planting flowers outside his

You are so poor, you were kicking a coke bottle

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

A woman was engaged to get married. She had never

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer

An Indian walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

A Russian guy was walking down the street when

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color. 2.

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

A man goes into a sperm bank and says, "I'd like

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

A man walks into a bar and sees a man sitting beside

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a

Sag! You're It! Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 20

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

Are you considering having children? To determine

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2)

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

    One day, a mechanic was working

    A herd of buffalo can only move

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

A judge was punishing three men because they had

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle of wine. The husband turns to his

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

A vet gets a midnight phone call from a farmer. "I`ve got a very constipated cow - been like it for

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all,

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, "What's that

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

You might be a Redneck Jedi if..... you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." your

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?"

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old

In the old Wild West, a Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in a new Western town when

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so