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Jokes

Donuts

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.He

Birthday

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

Car Joke

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

Talking Dog

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

Dirty Birds

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots,

Cursing Fish

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

Take yo mama to work day

Yo mama is so ugly, you're father brings her to

Black Sheep

A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white

3 Please

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

Lost with Translation

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Bottle opener

How many men does it take to open a beer? None,

Bullfight Buffet

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards

Little Johnny's Stork

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come

Top Ten Woman Bashing Lines

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

Little Johnny's Time of the Month

Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings

Woman Bashing

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Star Wars and 18 Holes

3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan

Valentine's Day Surprise

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

Gone Camping

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for

Turner Brown, Elevator Passenger

A small guy enters an elevator and notices a huge

Crappy Date

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

Beer Bottle Opener

How many men does it take to open a beer? None.

Dead Dog

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

Donkey and Onion

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an

The Golden Mug

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on

Death Row in Women's Prison

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a

I Gonna Back to Italy

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,

Mother-in-Law

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house

First Day Out

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

How Many Men to Open a Beer?

How many men does it take to open a beer?

PhoneJob

A blonde goes into a world wide message center

Employee of the Month

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

Sheik That Rooster

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

Father's Day Product Placement

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

Beer Brothers

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

A Crappy Date (A True Story)

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

Mexican Restaurant Specialty

    A couple go to Mexico City for

Clinton's Final State of the Union Address

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

Vet

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

An Old Fart

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

Grandma's Nuts

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings

Wife in a Coma

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

Obnoxious Parrot on an Airplane

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

Dating vs. Marriage

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

Clinton's Favorite Things

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

How Old is this Drink?

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

Two Prisoners, Two Choices

    Two explorers are flying over

Full of Wool

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

Panhandlers

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles

Four United States Presidents

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.... and off they whirled to the land

Struck by a Bus

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

Cowboy in a Gay Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

PMS?

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Two Widows

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

A Man and his Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

The Wong Family

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely,

Mid-Life

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

Hot Water

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Football Star

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

Hang Gliding

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

Tommy and Math

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

Life's Insights

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

Occupations

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

Why Math Is Taught In Schools

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

Question for the Class

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Profound Statements

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

Definition of Barbecuing

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following

Seven Inches

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

Good Advice

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

Turner Brown

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

Miracle Pills

Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when

Woman in a Coma

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

Smart Johnny

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Pigs

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

The Baptismal Service

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

Smart Dogs

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is

Head of an Indian

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

On a Lonely Island

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

Meet her Parents

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father