Jokes
Donuts
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.He
Birthday
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he
Car Joke
AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can
Talking Dog
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the
Dirty Birds
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots,
Cursing Fish
One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the
Take yo mama to work day
Yo mama is so ugly, you're father brings her to
Black Sheep
A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white
3 Please
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks
Lost with Translation
The American Dairy Association was so successful
Bottle opener
How many men does it take to open a beer? None,
Bullfight Buffet
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards
Little Johnny's Stork
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come
Top Ten Woman Bashing Lines
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Little Johnny's Time of the Month
Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings
Woman Bashing
Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.
Star Wars and 18 Holes
3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan
Valentine's Day Surprise
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's
Gone Camping
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for
Turner Brown, Elevator Passenger
A small guy enters an elevator and notices a huge
Crappy Date
This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to
Beer Bottle Opener
How many men does it take to open a beer? None.
Dead Dog
A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next
Donkey and Onion
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an
The Golden Mug
A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on
Death Row in Women's Prison
Three women are about to be executed. One''s a
I Gonna Back to Italy
(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,
Mother-in-Law
A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house
First Day Out
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides
How Many Men to Open a Beer?
How many men does it take to open a beer?
PhoneJob
A blonde goes into a world wide message center
Employee of the Month
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from
Sheik That Rooster
A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive
Father's Day Product Placement
On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his
Beer Brothers
A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three
A Crappy Date (A True Story)
Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy
Mexican Restaurant Specialty
A couple go to Mexico City for
Clinton's Final State of the Union Address
Members of Congress...people of America....I banged
Vet
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,
An Old Fart
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly
Grandma's Nuts
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings
Wife in a Coma
A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife
Obnoxious Parrot on an Airplane
A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised
Dating vs. Marriage
When you are dating..... Farting is never an
Clinton's Favorite Things
This should be sung to the tune "A Few of
How Old is this Drink?
An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle
Two Prisoners, Two Choices
Two explorers are flying over
Full of Wool
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them
Panhandlers
Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles
Four United States Presidents
Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado.... and off they whirled to the land
Struck by a Bus
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a
Cowboy in a Gay Bar
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"
PMS?
TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal
Two Widows
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me
A Man and his Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.
The Wong Family
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely,
Mid-Life
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone
Hot Water
John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife
Football Star
The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was
Hang Gliding
Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.
Tommy and Math
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,
Life's Insights
1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.
Occupations
Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone
Why Math Is Taught In Schools
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,
Question for the Class
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will
Profound Statements
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why
Definition of Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following
Seven Inches
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous
Good Advice
I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come
Turner Brown
A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,
Miracle Pills
Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when
Woman in a Coma
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit
Smart Johnny
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will
Pigs
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices
The Baptismal Service
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk
Smart Dogs
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is
Head of an Indian
Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying
On a Lonely Island
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food
Meet her Parents
A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father