broke

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no

"How'd you do it?" the doctor asked as he was setting farmer Joe Brown's broken leg."Well Doc," said

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

1. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.2. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN.3. All Men Are Animals,

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere

Knock, knock Who's there? You ever hear the joke

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?",

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next

Yo mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it!

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor

You are so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck,

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

What's German for 'virgin'? Goesintight.

Dear Jennifer, I have an interesting

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

This letter was started by a woman, like yourself,

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm

A man left his cat with his brother while he went

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could

In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors

What do you call a 350-pound stripper? Broke!

All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to

A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the

There was a little boy and a little girl in a

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

What did the man in the big yellow hat have to

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

"Jimmy," says the teacher, "what would happen if

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a

Yo mama is so fat, she broke wind at a cookout

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

A married couple was walking down the street when

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

10) ''They told me at the blood bank this might

Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby,

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

You're so stupid that when police tell you you

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

Bill Clinton broke the 11th commandment. ''Thou

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous? 9) Is

Q: Why was the blonde late for work? A: She

Q: What do you call a girl with a broken string

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

One night a robber broke into a home and heard

I broke up with a girl 6 months ago, she was a

A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer

Yo' mama so fat, she broke the family tree!

Here I sit, all broken hearted. Tried to shit,

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

Yo' mama is so fat she broke her leg, and gravy

Hugh Hefner and Dennis Weaver were both at a party

There once was this blonde riding a horse. After

I did not kill my lovely wife. I did not slash

Yo' mama so stupid, she broke her TV looking for

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family

A blonde's car had broken down. A cop pulled up

What did the bird say after his cage broke? "Cheap,

When they made you, they broke the mold. Then,

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke,

      AT&T fired President John

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

    On preparing to return home

    A few months ago, there was

Are you considering having children? To determine

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting

''Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent!'' ''I'm

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am,

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.. One from New Jersey,

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"... 1. "I'm gonna pump

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She says, "You've got

Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is

Rejected Titles Before Settling on BrokeBack Mountain: HIGH NOONER JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON TRUE,

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Try this... On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

The power mower was broken and wouldn't run. A lady kept hinting to her husband that he should get

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass. Impotence...Nature's way of saying

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his

A brunette went to the doctors. "Doctor," she said. "Help me. I hurt all over." "Sit down," said

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred,

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem