brother

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother.""Daddy

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota.

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks

What's grosser than gross? You eat a bowl of cornflakes

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one

How can you tell if a West Virginia girl is a virgin?

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

10) You married your cousin's brother's wife 9)

You might be a redneck Jedi if you say, "Luke I

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick,

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

A man left his cat with his brother while he went

One day there was a woman who was about to have

How can you tell if a redneck's daughter is on

After much careful research, it has been discovered

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother

A redneck farmer one day points at his wife's chest

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

A new law recently passed in Arkansas. When a couple

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.

The preacher was very distraught after the death

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one

Yesterday I called your brother a fag and he hit

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move

There's a man in the prison hospital on death row

Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce,

Has anyone ever said to you, ''Do you know Jack

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

A guy comes home early one day from work. And

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on his mother Every

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Did you hear about the guy who screwed his sister-in-law?

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

How many dicks can a redneck girl take at a time?

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore!

There's a guy and a lady sitting on the porch.

What do you call a 12 year old girl from Louisiana

A girl wants to borrow the car from her dad, so

Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?

One day this man says to his wife, "Lets take a

What does a redneck girl and the Unabomber have

Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

You might be a redneck if you have more than one

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

    One morning, while she was making

There has been a recent discovery among archives

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

Last name: ________________ First name (check

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle of wine. The husband turns to his

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says,

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public