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Blow Job

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Gimme a triple!"So the bartender pours him up a triple

Jackass

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Mexican Border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

Posh Theater

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

Rectum Stretcher

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

On and Off

A Polish mechanic is fixing his headlights. ââ,¬Å"Help

A Natural Blind

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next

Two Bit Girlfriend

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. His face

A Leprechaun and his Bodily Fluids

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

Oil Change

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Blind, Blonde, & Ballsy

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next

Telemarketer Repellant

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

Joke Written By and For Retards

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when

Mouse Hole

This guy was having a problem with mice in his

The Crabby Cabbie

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

Bar: Horny Wife, Pooped Husband

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

All You Can Drink

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and

Shoulda Said

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

Huntin' in Alaska

This guy hears that there's good bear hunting up

The Toothbrush And The Toilet Paper

One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says,

10 Things That Piss Me Off

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

Incontinent Leprechaun

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

Golf Buddies

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the

The Jackass Story

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Sweet as Candy

One day MR. GOODBAR was feeling horny. So he went

Bar... Alligator

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's

Tom the Drunk

Tom walks out of a bar, swaying back and forth

Be Fruitful and Multiply

A dead-beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was

Steering Wheel

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved

Movie Theater Mayhem!

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

Two Guys on a Golf Course

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

Texas Trooper

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

Come This Way

A young woman walks into an adult book store and

Medical Economics

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

Three Strings Walk Into a Bar

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

Wanna Be Like The White Man

An Indian walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of

Golfing With The Mob

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

"Honey, I Can't Perform!"

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

The President's Dog

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead

Yes, Mr. Bear

A guy goes out one day, hunting for bear. After

Comin' 'Cross the Ohio River

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

The Farmer and his Wife

One day a farmer was sitting around with one of

Clinton 'n' Buddy

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and

Mexican Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

The Engineer at the Golf Course

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting

Priest's New Job

After several years of serving the church in a

Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

Clinton Does Dr. Suess

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

''I'm Stupid'' Signs

    Stupid people should have to

One day, a mechanic was working late...

    One day, a mechanic was working

Add It Up: Relationship Guide

    For all you guys out there who

Reverend

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

Bubba's New Truck

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Healthier

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

Perfect Service

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL

Mike is Dead

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

A Few Drinks

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

Whiskey

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

Speech Impediment

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once

Car in a Ditch

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help

The Reverend John Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

Operating Room

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The

Old Friend's Home

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

Died Suddenly

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

9 Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Playing Doctor and Patient

Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get

Smart Business Man

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

Buddy

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to

Claven Theory

The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter..... "One afternoon

Not Waking The Wife

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

The Man Code

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

State Trooper

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

Glass Eye

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Vegas Cab Driver

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

Fast Drinking

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

Pastor Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

Shirt Pocket

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

Relationship Guide

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

Juan the Smuggle

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

Dumb Barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

Seeing Eye Dog

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As

Tennis Shoes

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps

Logical Engineer

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Tell the Truth

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

The Theatre

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

Pull, Buddy, Pull

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to