business

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

A husband comes home early from work and catches

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

Bush happens Life is like a box of chocolates.

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

A business man is trying to find a potental wife.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

All good Southerners already know these, but in

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and

There was this Indian who just came back from a

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

One fine day in the middle of class at school,

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking

''As soon as I get out of high school I am going

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a

A man is away on business, at a convention for

A man came back from a long business trip to find

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

A blonde owned a small business that she was about

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

An American businessman is on a business trip

There's a man in the prison hospital on death row

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

Once there were two chinese gentlemen named Mr.

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

What did President Clinton name his new computer

It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went

''Man who do business in whorehouse get jerked

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

Titles Considered for Monica's Autobiography 1.

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist,

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A businessman was about to go on a long business

A young businessman had just started his own firm.

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

    White House staffers were perplexed

Two engineering students were walking across campus

      AT&T fired President John

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

The following letters were taken from an actual

    A businessman boards a flight

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was

    William and Mildred were married

    Psychologists have discovered

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

A businessman returns from the far east. After

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out

Dear __________________________,    

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The city's tax superintendent has been suspended without pay for a week for

One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm

A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: *29

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become

Morris the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. "I'm ashamed

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

The pastor of donkey church realised that he was going to starve as collection dwindled every Sunday.

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

A guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.