calls

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

The other day, my friends and I went to a "Ladies Night Club."One of the girls wanted to impress the

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering

A blonde sat at the bar when the bartender's son

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

Three men were in a sauna. An Italian, a German,

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

This woman owned two Dachshunds, a male and a female. A

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

You know you're in trouble when... 1. The McDonald's

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

The Li'l Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a

A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.

An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway.

A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

The world is going to end in three days, so God

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he

A redneck calls into a radio advice show and asks,

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.

Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel.

A guy calls into a radio station and he says

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You

Bertha was worried about her husband George, so

A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders to use

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air

One day four boys were playing soccer in the schoolyard.

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, "Form 1040?"

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders spaghetti.

Zeus and Thor are up on Mt. Olympus and Thor is

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A minister has just died and is standing in line

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at

Bill Clinton calls his intern. ''Come into the

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, ''Hey Donkeyboy,

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. 

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

    Two Italian virgins get married

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

    Four old Catholic women are

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of

    Two explorers are flying over

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

1) The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo. 2) The Security guard makes a complete

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton on their honeymoon. They check in at the front, and

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache,

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual

President Clinton wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious...

10. "Clocks are five hours fast" 9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language" 8. "Harry

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache,

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So,

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel's office: "Smith's mother has just died

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer. So the

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. "Sorry, he doesn't

A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm