catch

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

A sixteen year old girl went to a priest for confession."Father, I called a guy son of a bitch yesterday.""Why

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI,

Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper

A husband comes home early from work and catches

What's gross? Farting in the bathtub. What's

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so

What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese.

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch

Four people are in an airplane: the president,

As the title suggests, this is how to successfully

Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot -- because you

A woman was being raped by an escaped mental patient.

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

What kind of fish does a dog catch? Catfish.

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to

Did you hear about the blonde who didn't catch

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No

10. Tommy Lee's Kickachickee 9. Lorena Bobbit's

There was a competition between a team of blondes

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says

A couple went to church every week, but every

Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb up

How do you catch a unique animal? You 'neak

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat.

This mafia family was in need of a collection

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit? A. Unique

A man walks into a grocery store and asks for some

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill,

One day Bob and Bubba went fishing. They were catching

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

This is actually a true story that happened to

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

John and Sam are two neighbors always in competition.

Q: How do you catch a bra? A: Set up a boobie

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

How do you catch a polar bear? You make a hole

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly.

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

    Stupid people should have to

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00."

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony,

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes