clean

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A 93 year old man sitting on the street, crying. A woman asks him, what’s wrong? The old man

A man was in a long line at Target. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms,

What a Woman Says:"This place is a mess! C'mon,You and I need to clean up.Your stuff is lying on the

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger"Wife: "I'll clean

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

Why did God stop making pegasuses? Because it

1. There''s no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special"

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

Yo house so dusty, even your vacuum cleaner gets

Q: What's the diffrence between a hooker and a

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

It was a hot day in Iowa. Helga hung the wash out

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

According to a news report, a certain private school

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

A husband comes home early from work and catches

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far

How do you know a mechanic just got lucky? One

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding See

A Jewish temple is looking for a way to get the

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his

Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on

Why'd the robber take a bath? So he could make

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

God created earth, and it was good. Then God created

A young priest is unhappy with how little money

Three nuns were taking a walk one day. ''I was

There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen

There were three dogs at a veternarian's office,

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

There were three nuns talking and one nun said,

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

A blonde was driving across several states to go

What do you call a clean idiot? Soap on a

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson

One day while at the White House, the maid was

You wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required

Why ain't women been put on the moon? Because

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized

Y'might be a redneck, if you clean your toilet

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

How do you know that an auto mechanic just had

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for

In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's shop: Drop your trousers

The strident prosecutor begins: ''Ladies and

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon,

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

Helga was hang the wash out to dry, and then went

Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

Why did God give women arms? Do you have any

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

Want to hear a dirty joke? A man fell in mud.

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

What does a clean nose have? Fingerprints!

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

"Your dog is pretty dirty," Mrs. Trupin said to

1. Not the brightest crayon in the box 2. Not

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

Yo' mama's like a vacuum cleaner -- she sucks,

Yo mama is so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color. 2.

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

When an attractive young girl returned from her

A young woman goes to church to confess her sins

You might be a redneck if you clean your fingernails

You might be a redneck if you wonder how service

You might be a redneck if you wonder how service

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

What a woman says: “This place is a mess!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

   As you grow older, what lost

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. "What

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

The perfect man is gentle, And never cruel or mean. He

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    Three nuns were talking. "I

    The Penis requests a promotion

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

    The following information was

    Monica walks into her dry cleaning

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, favorites of lawyers

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks and cleans from time to time, and

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

That's not right... Sum Ting Wong Are you harboring a fugitive?... Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

God and Adam are talking in the Garden of Eden one day and God asks "How are you doing?" Adam replies

One day, Mom was cleaning junior's room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten

At the Urinal, An accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,