clothes

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

What a Woman Says:"This place is a mess! C'mon,You and I need to clean up.Your stuff is lying on the

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

Two astronauts, a man and a women, were on a mission to go to Mars and make contact with intelligent

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

A sixteen year old girl went to a priest for confession."Father, I called a guy son of a bitch yesterday.""Why

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

A psychiatrist advised his timid little patient to assert himself. "Don't let your wife bully you. Go

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

One day a man forgot to tell his wife the couches

A football coach noticed that his star tackle,

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen

Understanding Marketing You see a fabulous girl/guy

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

What kind of math don't they teach in school?

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

How do you teach a blonde math? Subtract her

After much careful research, it has been discovered

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

THE DOCTOR because he says ''take your clothes

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A wife comes in and yells, ''Honey, pack your clothes!

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

My wife came home the other night and told me to

There was this little boy who had no name. One

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby,

There once was a very distraught woman, who was

One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

Yo mama's so fat her clothes have stretch marks.

In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's shop: Drop your trousers

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence Let's

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon,

Yo' head so big, that when it rains your clothes

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

Zeus and Thor are up on Mt. Olympus and Thor is

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

A blonde goes to a doctor because both of her ears

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A fat dude goes to his doctors, because he needed

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

Add the beds, subtract the clothes, divide the

Three college students were in England and were

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

Why did the eskimo wash his clothes in Tide?

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

There was once a man who had problems satisfying

A man came home from work to find his girlfriend

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." The

What a woman says: “This place is a mess!

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

There were three women who always hung their laundry

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

Two engineering students were walking across campus

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

After several years of serving the church in a

    Two Italian virgins get married

Are you considering having children? To determine

Cats' facial expressions. The need for the same

    A fireman came from work one

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

A man phones home from the office and tells his

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Do you know someone like this? A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check.

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr.

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please

From : Managing Director To : Executive Director "Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

Miriam was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her husband Sidney. "Sidney,

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

Men are like ....... Laxatives ...... They irritate the @#%$ out of you. Men are like ........

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

"Diane, I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and

It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day,

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.