computer

Joan, on an airplane, strikes up a conversation with the geeky computer programmer sitting next to her. "Where

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gate, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

A technology firm was looking for a new computer

Gaye Males - Real Estate Agent Rodger Bumpass

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch"

How can you tell a blond has been working at a

My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white,

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

What did one computer say to the other? 010101101010101010101

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

How is a computer like Britney Spears? They're

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

How is a computer like an air conditioner? When

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of

My new computer's the Bill Clinton Model. It's

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

The difference between computers and people?

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

Who invented the first computer in Biblical Times?

How can you tell if you have a moron computer operator

What is the first programming language you learn

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson Computer?

You know you're a computer nerd when you know more

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

1) All of your friends have @ in their names

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton,

Q: How does a computer tell you it needs more memory?

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

As a computer, I find your faith in technology

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

What did President Clinton name his new computer

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

What do blondes and computers have in common?

Women claim that computers should be referred to

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

What is the difference between sex and computers?

A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer

A confused caller was having troubles printing

What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a

Q: How many Computer Scientists does it take to

A computer flashed a message to its user: "I

Q. How can you tell when a blonde has been using

What do you get when you cross a computer with

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

How are blondes and computers similar? You never

How are men like computers? They don't work

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

We all know those cute little computer symbols

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been using the computer? A:

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

-It is always possible to park directly outside

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

Ã, Ã, Ã,  If you receive an e-mail

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this computer virus. It

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants. This is

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience"

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A man was in his yard mowing the grass when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot:

A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents