Jokes
Strange Happenings
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed
Three Worst Chinese Torture
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's
Firetruck
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,
Health Plans...HMO vs. PPO
PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting
Three Words
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young
A Used Motorcycle
There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping
Too Smart
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble
Mysterious death
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive
Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers
The Bible for Dummies
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:
Top Ten: Saddam Hussein's Romantic Tips
10. Splash on a little goat's blood. 9. Play romantic
Marriage Requirments
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining
Closer to God
A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical.
Improvements in Hell
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not
2 Weeks to Live
A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when
Honda
A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time
Santa Singh
A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the
Runny Noodle
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next
Soldier's Recovery
A army doctor walked into a room to check on his
How to be Annoying in the Computer Lab
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look
College Entrance Exam: For Football Players
You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly
Two fraternity brothers...
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one
Computer vs. Air Conditioner
How is a computer like an air conditioner? When
Secrets of a Successful Date
Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little
Blonde's Air Conditioner
Q: How does a blonde turn on the air conditioner
The Waiting Room
This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical
Hillbilly
Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says,
Cinderella Gets Some Ash
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked
Redneck Luv
A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired
Showers: Men Vs. Women
How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing
Three Rednecks
Three rednecks are talking about how stupid their
Food for the Hungry
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for
The Sick Husband
There was a husband and a wife. The husband was
How to Urn Bennys
There was a man named Benny who loved to take
Gorilla in Heat
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species
A Night's Sleep
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself
The Heart Of The Matter
A man who was having heart trouble went to the
The Devil's Lawsuit
There was a contruction worker who was working
Perry Coma
When the nurse was bathing a female patient who
Unwanted Fruit
Three men were on a road trip. their car broke
50 Things to Do in a Mall
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out
Sitting at a Bar...
A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after
Statue Fantasy
An old wizard was walking through a park when he
One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond...
Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,
What Not To Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my
Vat Vas Dat Agin?
Helga was hang the wash out to dry, and then went
Horse Tears
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.
Science Project
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first
Baby Gates and Microsoft
For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something
Fast Food Job Application
This is an actual job application
Tennis Balls
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed
Engineering In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
Radical Procedure
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but
True Newspaper Clippings
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA
Translating Male Phrases
"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going
The Eve of Creation
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to
Pregnant Woman Gets On a Bus
This is from an actual trial in the UK.
Policeman
What to not say to the nice
Pre-Nuptial Agreements
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining
Instant-Win Airbags!
DETROIT--With third-quarter
Eternal Judgment
Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck
Penis's Demands
The Penis requests a promotion
Merle Goes Out Drinking Every Night...
Every night after dinner, Merle
Bark like a Dogma
A poor minister was having trouble managing his
Have Yourself a PC Little Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
Romantic Pink Slip
Dear __________________________,
Monica's Diary
Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!
Four Men and Their Dogs
Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist
Advice For The Ladies
If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports
Guide to Dating
Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with
The Pregnant Woman
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
The Wheelbarrow
After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor
HMO
INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.
Men's Translations
"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream
A Silly Question
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A
Medication
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the
So How Did You Break Your Arm?
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New
Real Ads
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try
Murphy's Technology Laws
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method
New Darwin Awards 2005
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards
California's Drivers License Exam
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California
Panexa
No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your
Case of the Pregnant Lady
AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on
Mud Bath
An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes
Damned Old Age!
A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor
The Creation of the Opposite Sex
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the
Job Application
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and
Sunburned
A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his
Bobbitt Family Update
In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested
Alternate Meanings
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply
How Dan Rather would have covered D-Day
This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German
Job Ads Made Easy
What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really
California Driver Exam
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California
An Indecent Proposal
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally
Wackiest Warning Labels Ever
Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,
How Did You Break Your Arm?
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles
Yankee Test
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called
Headache
The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require
Senior Personal Ads
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching
Exhaustion
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would
Cat Competition
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second
Pregnant on the Bus
A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
Three Wishes from a Frog
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look
Golfing Blondes
Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each
George and the Dragon
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with
Hypnotised Church Goers
A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone
Dating Dictionary
ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what
Going to Hell
An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level
Run-down Farm
A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.
Ads on a Bus
A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
Sneezing
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang
Deadly Heart Condition
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says
The Engineer
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,
Inebriated State
Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening
2 Brothers
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public