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Jokes

Strange Happenings

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

Three Worst Chinese Torture

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

Firetruck

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

Health Plans...HMO vs. PPO

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

Three Words

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

A Used Motorcycle

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Too Smart

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

Mysterious death

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

The Bible for Dummies

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Top Ten: Saddam Hussein's Romantic Tips

10. Splash on a little goat's blood. 9. Play romantic

Marriage Requirments

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

Closer to God

A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical.

Improvements in Hell

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

2 Weeks to Live

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The

Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Honda

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time

Santa Singh

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

Runny Noodle

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

Soldier's Recovery

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

How to be Annoying in the Computer Lab

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

College Entrance Exam: For Football Players

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly

Two fraternity brothers...

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one

Computer vs. Air Conditioner

How is a computer like an air conditioner? When

Secrets of a Successful Date

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Blonde's Air Conditioner

Q: How does a blonde turn on the air conditioner

The Waiting Room

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

Hillbilly

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says,

Cinderella Gets Some Ash

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

Redneck Luv

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

Showers: Men Vs. Women

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

Three Rednecks

Three rednecks are talking about how stupid their

Food for the Hungry

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

The Sick Husband

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was

How to Urn Bennys

There was a man named Benny who loved to take

Gorilla in Heat

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

A Night's Sleep

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

The Heart Of The Matter

A man who was having heart trouble went to the

The Devil's Lawsuit

There was a contruction worker who was working

Perry Coma

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who

Unwanted Fruit

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

50 Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

Sitting at a Bar...

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

Statue Fantasy

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond...

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

What Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

Vat Vas Dat Agin?

Helga was hang the wash out to dry, and then went

Horse Tears

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

Science Project

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

Baby Gates and Microsoft

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

Fast Food Job Application

    This is an actual job application

Tennis Balls

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

Engineering In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

Radical Procedure

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

True Newspaper Clippings

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

Translating Male Phrases

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

The Eve of Creation

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

Pregnant Woman Gets On a Bus

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

Policeman

    What to not say to the nice

Pre-Nuptial Agreements

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

Instant-Win Airbags!

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

Eternal Judgment

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

Penis's Demands

    The Penis requests a promotion

Merle Goes Out Drinking Every Night...

    Every night after dinner, Merle

Bark like a Dogma

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Have Yourself a PC Little Christmas

    'Twas the night before Christmas

Romantic Pink Slip

Dear __________________________,    

Monica's Diary

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

Four Men and Their Dogs

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Advice For The Ladies

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

Guide to Dating

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

The Pregnant Woman

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The Wheelbarrow

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor

HMO

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

Men's Translations

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A Silly Question

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A

Medication

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the

So How Did You Break Your Arm?

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Real Ads

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

Murphy's Technology Laws

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

New Darwin Awards 2005

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

California's Drivers License Exam

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Panexa

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

Case of the Pregnant Lady

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

Mud Bath

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes

Damned Old Age!

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

The Creation of the Opposite Sex

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

Job Application

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

Sunburned

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

Bobbitt Family Update

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested

Alternate Meanings

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

How Dan Rather would have covered D-Day

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

Job Ads Made Easy

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

California Driver Exam

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

An Indecent Proposal

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

Wackiest Warning Labels Ever

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

How Did You Break Your Arm?

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

Yankee Test

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Headache

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

Senior Personal Ads

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching

Exhaustion

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would

Cat Competition

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

Pregnant on the Bus

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Three Wishes from a Frog

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

Golfing Blondes

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with

Hypnotised Church Goers

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

Dating Dictionary

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

Going to Hell

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

Run-down Farm

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

Ads on a Bus

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Sneezing

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

Deadly Heart Condition

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

The Engineer

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

Inebriated State

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

2 Brothers

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public