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DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

James was starting he's first day of job as a policeman. So as he was patrolling. He saw there's one

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register

There were three priests in a railroad station,

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

A grey goose walks into a bar and says" I'd like

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

A sailor walked into a bar with a small head. The

This week, the Bush administration finally released

There once was a lowly snail, who was busily crawling

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale

A man and a woman are driving down the same road

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

A young man was walking through a supermarket to

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

On her way to Grandma's house, Little Red Riding

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

As a pre-med student at Washington University in

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll

Two nuns are at a traffic light, when a man starts

So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the

Banana Love Cake Ingredients: 2 whole nuts 1

A man is in court for murder and the judge says,

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting.

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with

There were these two bums and they were hungry

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst

Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The was a man named George who got a new job.

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Three hang-glider pilots, one Irish, one Australian,

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

There was once an old pheasant who was chatting

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents,

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

One day Bill Clinton decides to go on a jog. While

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

Yo mama is so fat that her driver's license says,

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

A visiting professor at the University of Montana

Tiger Woods     A couple were on

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that

Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot

    Every night after dinner, Merle

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

Davie walks into a bar and sees his friend Norm slumped over the bar. Davie walks over and asks Norm

Last summer John met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last

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The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. You are

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

two Old Ladies Were Outside Their Nursing Home, Having A Smoke, When It Started To Rain. One Of The

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

A man was trapped on a deserted island that was sinking into the sea. As the water lapped around his

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

A drill sergeant was known to be brusque with his men. His lieutenant warned him to try to be more

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, An autopsy professor was giving an introductory

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse