could

Gordon Brown, George Bush and Saparmurat Niyazov are flying to a world economic summit. Saparmurat looks

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your

A man was in a long line at Target. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms,

In a company there's this tai-chi king. His tai-chi has reached the level where even the boss could do

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw,

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.While

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

A telephone rang, and someone picked it up.A voice from the other side said, "Is your number 444 444

The other day, my friends and I went to a "Ladies Night Club."One of the girls wanted to impress the

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

A trucker who has been out on the road for two

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

A football coach noticed that his star tackle,

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

Yo mama so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits.

One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching

A Blonde was at a gumball machine. She put a quarter

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

You''re so gay, you could sit on a lollipop and

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient

Bush got a coded message from Saddam. It read:

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the

If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

There were five blondes and one brunette holding

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

Yo mama so stupid she couldn't even make up a "yo

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

Yo mama shirt so tight, when I shook her hand I

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

James was on the beach, and could not understand

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said,

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants? So u could

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

A husband is at home watching a football game when

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

There was this man walking on the beach and he

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper

Knock, Knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? I know

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

Did you here about the cross-eyed teacher? She

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

A young mother was having a consultation with a

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Why did Harry Potter have to repeat his first year

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 1)

Gary Condit quit politics and got a job at KFC.

A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming,

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your

An English guy was very ill and his son went to

A Jewish temple is looking for a way to get the

Cinderella was having her period and couldn't go

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club,

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

Yo mama is so hairy that Tarzan couldn't get through

How is woman's period different than the 2000 presidential

President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

People get really upset when you use the "F" word.

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went

There were these three guys at a football game

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

A railroad worker was cuting the grass away from

A couple had been married for a long time, but

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

There once was this guy who was going on a date

Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest

There were these three bees trapped in a hive.

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

Why wasn't Jesus born in Essex, England? Because

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an

Dear Jennifer, I have an interesting

Why'd the robber take a bath? So he could make

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

All good Southerners already know these, but in

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman

One day three men were walking along and came upon

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

One fine day in the middle of class at school,

What happend to the man who died on an overdose

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

A) Knock knock B) Who's there? A) Old Lady B)

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

This guy hears that there's good bear hunting up

1. The Female always makes THE RULES. 2. THE

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved,

This letter was started by a woman, like yourself,

Two men are sharing a hospital room. "What are

A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter

A local reporter was interviewing locals about

Three nuns went to a football game and three men

A man left his cat with his brother while he went

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel

Knock, knock? "Who's there?" A midget who couldn't

How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted

There was this guy that went to the doctor to get

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

A man was walking down the street and on the

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss

Two guys are playing golf. The first guy says,

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

A woman went into a department store and told the

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains

Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A:

There was an older man who'd married a younger

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack.

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

A cowboy bursts into a bar and says to the bartender,

12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely,

A kid was late for school one day. "I had to take

A boy told his mom, "I couldn't sleep last night

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She's

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A market researcher called at a house and his knock

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

This really fat guy wanted to lose weight. He tried

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called

Three men walk into a room.Two get shot. How many

Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river?

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They

A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the

A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady

Once there was a blonde driving home from work

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy

A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

A modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie

If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

I lost my phone number. Could I have yours?

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

I could have been your daddy, but the line was

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

A redneck farmer one day points at his wife's chest

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

An old man went to the social security office to

Yo Mama's breath is so bad, she could clear a chat

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

An old woman walked into a bank and asked for the

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

You're so short, you could sit on a dime and swing

An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

Billy was 14 and just started jerking off. He loved

An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair

A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a

There was a competition between a team of blondes

If a woman could change a man into any mammal,

Yo' mama such a ho, she could sell her spit to

The preacher was very distraught after the death

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

Why'd they create the microwave? So blondes could

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

A couple had been married for many years, and their

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

There was a contruction worker who was working

Once there was a church that had a bell that no

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a

There were three women sitting at a bar, talking

You could be a redneck if you were just married

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

Three men were sitting in a bar one day. they were

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

I ain't no Fred Flintstone, but I could sure make

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. "If

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

You're so anal retentive, you could stick a piece

A couple went to church every week, but every

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his

This guy with a really small head walks into a

There was this teacher who was teaching young kids

There were three southern belles that were sisters,

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

A married couple was walking down the street when

Yo mama's hair is so nappy, Wilson couldn't pick

One day there were four people absent from class.

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and

A reporter heard that a farmer had animals that

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp

There was an elderly couple that went to McDonald's.

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

Two aliens land on the earth, near L.A. They get

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp

A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

One day four boys were playing soccer in the schoolyard.

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

One sunny Saturday morning, the first of a twosome

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill,

Once a man walked into a bar and sat down at a

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

There was this virgin that was going out on a date

One day a little girl came running into her house

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After

Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

A man walks into the ice cream shop with his three

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

One day a teacher was teaching a fourth grade class

If a blonde could be any fish, what fish would

A woman was engaged to get married. She had never

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

There were three men who got stranded on an island.

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could

There was this man who really had to go to the

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

There was this couple that had twins and they couldn't

Yo' mama so dumb that if brains were dynamite she

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

Two golfers meet on the same golf course, on the

There was an old man from Nantucket Who had a

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

This priest was driving to his church when he saw

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

A little boy wanted to be Bill Clinton for Halloween,

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

Yo' mama so fat that she couldn't be born by

A man sees a growth coming out from the center

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary,

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

A young woman walks into an adult book store and

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

A travelling salesman was out in the country one

A reporter went up into the hills of West Virginia

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

Two guys meet in heaven, and are chatting about

Superman was flying around the city and was super

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

Two drivers came to a bridge over which only one

Q: Why did the blonde throw her clock out the window?

A lady went to a plastic surgeon to see what he

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

Women claim that computers should be referred to

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

Why did the monkey cross the road? So he could

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

Q: How come Frankenstein couldn't have kids? A:

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

My dick is so big that the city had to carve a

One day there were three boys walking down the

A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when

I once had a pet pig named Belle. One day I decided

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

A confused caller was having troubles printing

Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

Two guys were working for the city. One would

This is actually a true story that happened to

You're so ugly you could sell your body to science

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

Four blondes are driving in a minivan when it goes

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

A Russian guy was walking down the street when

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for

A farmer walked into a bar with a horse. He said,

A man arrived at a small village in India, and

Yo' mama is so stupid she told everyone that she

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

How come Texas A&M couldn't put on a nativity

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

1. I think the parking meter is running out, I'll

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if

A grandson ran up to his grandfather and asked

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep

There was a man once that was always talking about

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby

If assholes could fly, this place would be an

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was

Jeremy and Kris are walking down the street and

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured

I did not kill my lovely wife. I did not slash

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

One day this man says to his wife, "Lets take a

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

1) So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your

Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

A businessman was about to go on a long business

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and

You're so small you could milk a cow standing up.

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

There were three men working at the top of a building.

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary

There was a hooker who lived in a condo on Lake

Yo' mama's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

One day a farmer was sitting around with one of

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

You might be a redneck if you like to brag you

Q: What is the difference between George Washington,

Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was

Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married! *

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block

An old man and woman were married for years, even

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

A gentleman is sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

If the government is going to put health warning

There were three old ladies sitting on a park bench

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

    For the first time in many years,

The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies

    Dick Cheney, President Bush

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

The following letters were taken from an actual

    A few months ago, there was

Are you considering having children? To determine

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed

    A trucker who had driven his

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

    A young reporter once covered

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

Two kids were having the standard argument about

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

    Stupid people should have to

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

''Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent!'' ''I'm

    One day a hunter was walking

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

An executive was in a bind. He had to get rid

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime,

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts

    A herd of buffalo can only move

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

A man and a woman who have never met before find

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

    Every night after dinner, Merle

    One morning, while she was making

Those who have it would be devastated if it

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

    'Twas the night before Christmas

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

An FM station has a competition where they ring

1. In the company of females, intercourse

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

A judge was punishing three men because they had

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

A married couple was in a terrible accident where

A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

    Dear Son,    

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength.

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

Irish greyhound racing authorities have banned trainers from giving dogs the anti-impotence drug Viagra

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

A nun was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning: "I'm

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther,

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it.

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died,

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed,

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a

(We take you now to the Oval Office.) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um,

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies

Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep

A very disheveled, unattractive, profoundly obese, smelly, mean acting, nasty in EVERY sense of the

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

Father: Why don't you get yourself a job? Son: Why? Father: So you could earn some money. Son:

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting

A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if

A 57-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers. He

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided

A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton on their honeymoon. They check in at the front, and

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption,

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker.

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

A science teacher asked her students "Children, if you could own one mineral what would it be? one

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf*ck you. 2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 3. Well,

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed,

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious...

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. She

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room. Donald wanted to have

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

Johnny and his wife went to the State Fair every year. Every year Johnny would say, "I'd like to ride

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

Three old men are discussing their sex lives. The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had

Ahmed came to the United States from Iraq, and was here only a few months when he became very ill.

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

Ben was working at the lumberyard one day, pushing a tree through the saw, when he accidentally cut

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So,

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard,

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls.

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot

A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

One day a nice young couple were on their way to the Justice of the Peace to get married. They had

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the

Leo, our neighbor, came home with a birdhouse one day. My husband kidded him, asking how many birds

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving,

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Felix from the odd couple went on a ballon ride. He did not have enough hot air and crashed in a remote

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes,

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A man came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred,

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell,

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and