cover

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

There were four country churches in a small Texas

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

Why did the chicken cross the road? Part of a

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed,

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

The American Dairy Association was so successful

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?" Well,

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would

Possible Courses: ESSENTIALS OF BONG DESIGN: Discover

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

The king of a small African nation had an elegant

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

What did the rug say to the floor? I've got

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone

After much careful research, it has been discovered

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture

A young man goes home from a war to see his mother

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

10. You're so tired you now answer the phone,

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A.

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a

A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

A banana peel and a banana are robbing a store. "Don't

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

How come you can't find lawyers sunbathing on the

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

One day the farmer walked out to his field to feed

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

How did Hellen Keller discover masturbation?

Mama always told me girls are like a box of chocolate

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

What's another name for undercover cops? Pigs-in-a-blanket.

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

This is actually a true story that happened to

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

There were three extremely poor men. They were

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

A hole was discovered in the Carefree Nudist Camp.

Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

Two blondes are walking down the road when one

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion,

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

A mortician was working late one night. It was

A woman going through the change of life went to

      AT&T fired President John

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

    Two Italian virgins get married

Are you considering having children? To determine

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

    A young reporter once covered

    The curator of a Western art

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

These two eggs had just been married and were on

    Psychologists have discovered

Cover charge:  $15.00 Round of drinks: 

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    Stupid people should have to

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

    While inspecting their honeymoon

An Ohio State University mortician student walked

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's

There has been a recent discovery among archives

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." "He

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

One day god is in a really good mood and looks down from the heavens and sees a statue of a man and

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time. The midget went to

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Guy in Arkansas comes home to find two suitcases packed on his front porch. "What's goin' on honey?",

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: 5%

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

CHILD : Dad, where did I come from? DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!......

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

I had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone