decide

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered fat free french

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed,

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

There were four country churches in a small Texas

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to

A guyââ,¬â"¢s been dating the girl of his

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

A company boss has to decide who to lay someone

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide

One morning, a blonde decides to do a jig-saw puzzle

A blonde women is sitting in her garage, alone,

Two blondes and a brunette fell off a cliff, handing

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix

A man has six children and is very proud of his

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a

Yo mama's so fat...she decided to go on a diet.

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

A blonde is trapped on an island. She learns how

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch"

There was a couple who did not want their children

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see's a sign

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI,

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

A husband is at home watching a football game when

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

A guy came home one day after getting fired from

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

According to a news report, a certain private school

The England team's training session was delayed

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

A blonde decides to join the military thinking

3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's

Pamela Anderson and the Queen of England die on

Britney Spears had just bought her new car and

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

President George W. Bush decides it is time to

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

Don't Say This to Your New Girlfriend's Parents... 1.

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

One morning a man was leaving to go to work. He

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

There was an old professor who started every class

There was this guy who lived in Chicago. He was

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

One day Jesus wanted to test his disciples. So

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom,

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman

The king of a small African nation had an elegant

One day the king of a fairly large country was

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

An American cowboy was traveling in England and

A woman finds out that her husband is cheating

A man was unemployed and bored, so he decided to

One day, a farmer walked into a bar and asked the

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

A young priest is unhappy with how little money

A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

A man is away on business, at a convention for

A man with an average handicap decides to play

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their

One day, a man went into the doctor because he

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

Christmas was just around the corner, and a father

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex

There was a guy driving down the road when he ran

There was an older man who'd married a younger

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack.

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping

A redneck felt sick and decided to go to the doctor.

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the

A lady walked into a bar and there were no seats

Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

There is this third grade class with this kid named

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

This really fat guy wanted to lose weight. He tried

After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally

One day a government worker was digging through

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

A young man goes home from a war to see his mother

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees

There were these two people in a bar, a boy and

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

A wife decides that she needs to spice up her and

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting

There once was a young couple who lived in a town

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there

It's the year 2389, and martian and earth couples

The preacher was very distraught after the death

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself

An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A road consturction manager needed to hire someone

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

Three guys were in a bar and they heard a woman

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

A man had a very small penis, so he went to a witch

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study

A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

Two gay men decide to get themselves chased by

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

A redneck teacher decides to give her class a small

A husband and wife were having some problems in

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting

Two guys are at their house. They decide to play

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute.

A couple went to church every week, but every

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette,

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

A married couple was walking down the street when

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River,

The was a man named George who got a new job.

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when

One time in heaven Saint Peter said to Jesus,

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip

Ron Hextal, the Flyer's goalie, was so upset about

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

Bertha was worried about her husband George, so

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to

There once was a very distraught woman, who was

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Three bears came out of hibernation and they were

There was a man who had a 25 inch penis, so he

Once there lived a mother who had two sons who

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

There was a couple who did not want their children

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

There was this couple that had twins and they couldn't

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Once there were two chinese gentlemen named Mr.

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

This priest was driving to his church when he saw

A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand

There were three men in a bar. All three were

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his

There were nine blondes and a brunette hanging

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde

It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

One day there were two men walking down a dirt

There were once three boys in a classroom called

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

I once had a pet pig named Belle. One day I decided

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

Why did Senator Hillary Clinton decide run for

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

Why is Clinton having such a hard time deciding

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and

There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

These two persons are discussing whether the state

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.

There was a successful doctor who had an office

One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage

This crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill

A woman went camping and while she was out she

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

Did you hear that former President Clinton is buying

There once was a toad who was a bit different than

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking.

There was a boss who was told by his boss that

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home

A couple has been together for thirty years and

The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

A car decided not to stop for a stop sign but

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

A man walking his son in the park one day came

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but

There once was a boy who named Odd. A lot of people

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

There was once a man who had problems satisfying

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having

One day Bill Clinton decides to go on a jog. While

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

There's a woman that has a big problem when it

There was a young country boy who was very bright.

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

A businessman was about to go on a long business

The pentagon said they had too many generals running

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided

Two couples go away on a two-week holiday together.

When an attractive young girl returned from her

A man who always plays golf sees a beautiul woman

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly.

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married! *

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

    A couple go to Mexico City for

A milkman was delivering on his round when he came

A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

There are three men in a hotel each wanting

    Two Italian virgins get married

A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

In the human body, which organ is in charge? All

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's

    What to not say to the nice

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

    William and Mildred were married

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

-It is always possible to park directly outside

    One day, a mechanic was working

An executive was in a bind. He had to get rid

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween

A judge was punishing three men because they had

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two

In 1993, the American Government funded a study

The wedding date was set and the groom's three

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

Green Bay, WI Monday, October 31, 2005 - Anthrax Scare At Lambeau Field Green Bay Packer football

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back,

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to the nearest bar and

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny,"

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

Bob dies and goes to the pearly gates where he waits in line. As he draws closer he sees there are

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years and in the back forty it had a nice pond,

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

Colin was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

Jason wanted to get his blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, but also something

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub, a week before Xmas, enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are,

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!"

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off;

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

A guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day,

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well