dinner

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:WOMAN: What would you do if I

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?""I

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.After the wedding, he laid down the following

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife,

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

Your mama is so nasty, when you said, "Mama, what

A blonde was cooking dinner, when her kitchen caught

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

Yo mama''s so nasty, I came over and asked what''s

What's faster than the speed of light? An Afghani

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes,

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.

Women got off the Titanic first. Women can scare

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than

A mid 20's bachelor walks into a grocery store

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were

Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

A man with an average handicap decides to play

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

A woman goes to the local butcher to buy some meat

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

Q. What do lesbians cook for dinner? A. They

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. "If

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

(repeat ketchup and liquor after every phrase)

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at

A typical macho man married typical good-looking

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

A travelling salesman was out in the country one

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

One day there were two men walking down a dirt

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

Yo' mama so dumb, she ate a T.V. Dinner and choked

A Hillbilly family's only son had saved up money

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

There is this trucker and he is driving down the

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

Y'might be a redneck if ya hear a triangle at the

Yo' mama so stupid, she broke her TV looking for

What's 69 plus 69? Dinner for 4.

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

A family was having some people to dinner. At

   As you grow older, what lost

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

    William and Mildred were married

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

    Every night after dinner, Merle

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

"Men are like fine wine.  They all start

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. "I'm

    For all you guys out there who

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

Last summer John met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on

10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year.

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for