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When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

What are you doing when you see a beautiful woman? I usually download it.

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter."What are you

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A firefighter is working on the engine outside

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I

Bush is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly,

Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in

A little rabbit is running happily through the

A boy and his mom were walking in the mall and

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

A man at a retirement home was walking around with

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde,

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all

A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord

What is Beethoven doing in his grave? De-Composing!

There was a competition to cross the English channel

A boy walks into his parents room to find his mom

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said,

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Hearts and roses and kisses galore... What the

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding

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What do u call a blonde doing a handstand? A

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

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In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

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A man was having an affair with a married woman.

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Two campers were hiking in the forest when all

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While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

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A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't

''What are you doing tonight?'' asked the Air France

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A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

A mother goes to visit her daughter. She walks

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

Why did they have to stop doing the wave at the

A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent

An elderly woman comes home and finds her daughter

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother.

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying,

Two teenagers were walking through a park when

A little boy and his father are walking down the

There was a woman who had very small breasts and

Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind

There were two men sitting on a wall outside a

A man comes home from work and finds his wife screwing

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit.

Q: How do you burn an idiot's face? A: Phone

A man was walking down the street and on the

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She

Back in the day, when they stamped each can in

There was an older man who'd married a younger

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

Once there was a sperm named Stanley. When all

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

A traveling salesman is in West Virginia when he

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the

You're so poor that yesterday I saw your mother

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

What's Beethoven doing now that he's dead? He's

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

A couple decides to get married, despite the fact

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

A mother took her kid to the park one day and the

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there.

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdome?

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

In a restaurant, a disgusted customer says: Waiter!

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

An old woman walked into a bank and asked for the

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing

"Doctor, everytime I sneeze I have an orgasm!" "Are

Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds.

Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with

Billy was 14 and just started jerking off. He loved

One day while at the White House, the maid was

There were these two guys working late in a morgue,

There was a competition between a team of blondes

A boy was playing with himself in the bathtub when

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen

One day in summer, Jack was going to visit his

Three girls are sitting around, totally bored

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to

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Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one

Two guys are at their house. They decide to play

A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

Q: What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it

Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit

10) ''They told me at the blood bank this might

There was an elderly couple that went to McDonald's.

A woman goes over to her married son's house and

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

Two blondes are nailing in roof tiles. One of them

One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving

What is blonde-brunette-blonde-brunette-blonde-brunette.

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor

A guy comes home early one day from work. And

If someone says "fuck you," just simply reply,

One day a little girl came running into her house

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

What is the definition of suspicious? A nun

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

How can you tell that elephants have been doing

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

This priest was driving to his church when he saw

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

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A young boy took his bag of M&M's, grabbed the

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She

According to the latest issue of Nature Biotechnology,

Abe and Sara are in their 80's. One day Abe comes

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

Every day two blonde women would come out of work

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and

These two boys were talking about their sex lives

One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching

Two guys were working for the city. One would

An Indian walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

Why did the pregnant lady cross the road? I

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

A man walking his son in the park one day came

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes ? A:

What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

A blonde's car had broken down. A cop pulled up

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

Lesson number one: A crow was sitting on a tree,

A man came home from work to find his girlfriend

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

Two men named Cecil and Scott live together. One

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

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A few months after his parents were divorced, Little

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

A gentleman is sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and

Tiger Woods     A couple were on

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

The following letters were taken from an actual

A man was walking down the street when he noticed

    What to not say to the nice

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner

These two eggs had just been married and were on

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

    Three ducks were swimming in

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

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A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She says, "You've got

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought

A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

A company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, "Someone might steal from

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

CHILD : Dad, where did I come from? DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!......

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr.

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

randpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers

You are different and that's bad. Pop goes the hamster......and other great microwave games. What

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

God and Adam are talking in the Garden of Eden one day and God asks "How are you doing?" Adam replies

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him, "This stinks. Every time we make love I get splinters." So

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find

A reporter was doing a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy. A blonde woman walks into an auto

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators,

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!"

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well