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A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

Harry and his wife are driving in the country when

One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on

Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar bill and made

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

1. "You get this round and the next round is on

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington,

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about

There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

What is the top prize in the Blonde Lottery? 20

A business man is trying to find a potental wife.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

Q: Why is it a good idea to tattoo a $100 bill

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse

A blonde is like a pooltable, put a dollar in and

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

This guy goes into a tattoo shop and requests to

How can you tell the difference between Beer Nuts

You know you married a redneck when she fills out

What's the difference between Ally McBeal and a

This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home

One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks

An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair

Three guys go to a hotel. They tell the man behind

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over

A man asked God how much a million dollars was

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

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What is 6 inches long, has a big head, and drives

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on

A lucky Aggie once won the lottery for $20,000,000

One day a man was planting flowers outside his

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

A man was selling his brand-new luxury car for

Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a

Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

One day a little girl came running into her house

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

Grandfather and grandson, on a stroll on their

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

There was a father and son who went on a fishing

There once was a man named Joe and he was talking

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

A man once went to a ten-dollar hooker. But he

A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes

This is actually a true story that happened to

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers. They

What are six inches long and irresistable to women?

Three men went into a stripper bar and this stripper

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

One day Bill Clinton decides to go on a jog. While

Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery? You can

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

Two hunters are stalking through the forest when

Yo' mama so fat, she steps on a dollar and makes

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

      AT&T fired President John

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to

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A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me,

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

This guy is not getting along so well with his

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a

    A little girl asked her mother

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther,

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I''ve got a special game for you. I''ll

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right,"

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns

A lawyer is sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful women sits down next to him. The lawyer

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained,

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was just

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

Johnny and his wife went to the State Fair every year. Every year Johnny would say, "I'd like to ride

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should

A gorgeous young woman gets into a taxi one day. On the way, the cabby asks her, "Hey baby, would

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eighty

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

"I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash,"

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all