drinking

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush

A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head.

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail

Q: How did Britney Spears die while drinking milk? A:

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

Ram: Why are you drinking tea with the help of

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

Yo mama got sacked from a sperm bank for drinking

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were

How did the redneck die drinking milk? The

Two old friends/enemies who love to take the piss

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar,

There was this guy who always went out drinking

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

A cop pulls over a guy. "Your eyes are awfully

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman

One night, Sam went out drinking only to find the

10) Your mom. 9) Piss in the wind. 8) Spit straight

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

Two boys were arrested, one was drinking battery

There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the

A policeman stops a motorist and says, ''Excuse

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and

A Russian guy was walking down the street when

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm. One

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

Did you hear about the blonde who died drinking

Dear Tide, I have always used your product

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

You might be a redneck if rather than drinking

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

    What to not say to the nice

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

    One day, a mechanic was working

    For all you guys out there who

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle of wine. The husband turns to his

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba

10. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket. 9. You spend

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption,

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

10. "Clocks are five hours fast" 9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language" 8. "Harry

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled

An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

You might be a Redneck Jedi if..... you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." your

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered,

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

A man is in a bar and he gets really drunk and he goes home. He comes back the next day to get his

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: