drive

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

One day a man forgot to tell his wife the couches

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

A snail owned a car and was painting a big letter

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

Why did the zombie baby cross the road? To wreak

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

James was on the beach, and could not understand

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

You might be a redneck if you drive your truck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver

Knock, knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? Sorry,

Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

If you have a Virginia Tech football player and

Yo mama's so stupid, when yo daddy suggested doggie-style,

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

Reporter: "Mr. Condit, when was the last time

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

Why was Christina Aquilera surprised when she looked

Bush happens Life is like a box of chocolates.

With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor",

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

10) You married your cousin's brother's wife 9)

Yo mama is so poor she does a drive-by from the

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

There once was this guy who was going on a date

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

How do you keep a blonde at home? Build

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

Yo' mama so fat, she drives a Spandex car!

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

What do you get when you cross and Chinese and

Q: What do a man and a driveway have in common?

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

You might be a redneck if you drive a rusted out

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

The Pope walked into a car dealership one day to

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

My new computer's the Bill Clinton Model. It's

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains

You know you're a redneck if you have sex ed and

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all

From: General Manager To: Departmental

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She's

Why did the redneck school stop teaching sex ed?

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

How can you tell if a blonde was trying to drive

All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

Every morning a man drives to the dock, and every

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving

Why was the blonde mad when she got her drivers

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

There was a long line of souls before the gate

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there.

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver

A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees

How do you know if a dummy has been sending e-mail?

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

After World War II, an American soldier was going

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

A man gets on a bus with only a nun and the driver.

Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains

A man is driving down the road and notices a car

Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. "If

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

What is 6 inches long, has a big head, and drives

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

What kind of a car does a proctologist drive?

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Yo Mama is so short, you can see her feet on her

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island,

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

Q: What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

Did you ever wonder why they put braille at a drive-up

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

What's the difference between a Ford and a golf

10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

Why don't women need driver's licenses? Because

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

Why don't they teach drivers ed. and sex ed. in

What do you ask a blonde in a drive-thru? Is

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

Who is this General Failure and why is he reading

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

Two drivers came to a bridge over which only one

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!There is a new virus : Viagra

This blonde gets pulled over by a cop, who walks

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

Two men were in a pub. One man said, "Did you

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

Yo' mama is so fat we went to the drive-in and

Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

There is this trucker and he is driving down the

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

The following sign was posted at a fast food restaurant

You are so fat, you rented a 250-foot long limo,

A minister has just died and is standing in line

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's

There was a hooker who lived in a condo on Lake

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes

You might be a redneck if you learned to drive

Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A:

Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around

Yo mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants on

Yo mama is so fat that her driver's license says,

What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess: I have

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. 

      AT&T fired President John

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2)

    A trucker who had driven his

1) You define summer as three months of bad

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    Stupid people should have to

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out

    For all you guys out there who

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

Ã, Ã, Ã,  If you receive an e-mail

Our Rights: The following was written by State

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

    Dear Son,    

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Do you know someone like this? A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

A nun was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City Christmas Shopper Seniors down a highway, when

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see.

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

To a person in the US, it is anybody from the South. To somebody in the South, it is anybody in

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every week you have to buy more. A

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde? A: It has a stamp on it. Q: Why do blondes have

Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption,

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A West Virginia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

A science teacher asked her students "Children, if you could own one mineral what would it be? one

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: