driving

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

A blond died her hair brown because she was tired

Harry and his wife are driving in the country when

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

A blond was driving to the airport when she saw

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot

A man and a woman are driving down the same road

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A highway patrol officer was driving up a mountain

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road

Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

There was this guy who lived in Chicago. He was

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

A drunk is driving through the city and his car

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

There was a guy driving down the road when he ran

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

Your mama is so dumb when she was pulled over for

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the

A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped

What's the difference between eating pussy and

A blonde was driving across several states to go

There is a accordion player driving home from a

What happened when the blonde tried to give her

Once there was a blonde driving home from work

Two blondes were driving down the road.The blonde

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway.

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a

A man is driving down the road and notices a car

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Two guys were driving down the road when they

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch

A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

Two Dallas Cowboys were in a car. Who was driving?

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

A penguin was driving his car down the highway

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

A guy walks into a pub and says, ''Can you remove

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

This priest was driving to his church when he saw

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

Fred, Bob, and Mike were driving down the street

A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

These three guys got together one day and were

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for

A guy from Texas and a guy from Arkansas are driving

Four blondes are driving in a minivan when it goes

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

There is this trucker and he is driving down the

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) “If you love

Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle

A businessman was about to go on a long business

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2)

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    Stupid people should have to

One day, Ole and Lena were out driving around the

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

    Dear Son,    

A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the

To a person in the US, it is anybody from the South. To somebody in the South, it is anybody in

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment,

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: *29

10. "Clocks are five hours fast" 9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language" 8. "Harry

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00."

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

Thibodeaux was driving his car past Beaudreaux's house and saw a sign that read: "Boat for Sale".

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station.

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving,

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed